Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Pyaar ke side effects – the female version:

This is our take on the movie.. The movie, hilarious as it was, and that all of us could relate to at some level, had some truth & fiction to it, but, was the man's story.. Here is the female version:

Pyaar Ke Side Effects:
Overtime
- If you are in a 9 - 5 job, and your boyfriend goes to office from 11am - 11pm, you have to do Overtime!!! Meaning, you sleep late, get up early.. make food after you get home (even if you have had the toughest day in your life, first cook his food)..

Khaana Pakana - as much as he might be OK with you not knowing how to cook, he expects you will learn and make him some good food, if not as good as his moms (never will be), atleast something edible..

Food changes everything - His mood, his feelings for you, his opinion of you..Believe me, EVERYTHING!!

His friends/ your friends – become ‘Our Friends’

‘Commitment’ – the word that scares him the most in the English dictionary..

The 2-faced man – as much as he likes you to be ‘western’ in your clothing, he would Really prefer the traditional girl in you..

The Kid - Men will always be boys!!! They don’t grow up.. EVER!!!!

Appreciate his brilliance from time to time - Men like to be appreciated for their ideas/ methods / conversations / advice.. Many of the brilliant conversations come after a few pegs are down.. (they may be repetitive, but, don’t notice).. So, give it to him

Tell him who you find HOT / SEXY.. He doesn’t believe in the line, " Tu hi to mera sansar hai.. Aisa mera pyaar hai".. He wants to know who his competition is!! (Even though there may be none)

Momma’s boy – At the end, Momma knows everything & you don’t know anything!

‘The Image” – ‘I don’t fall for ANY girl.. Girls fall for me” Poor dude, doesn’t know when reality hits him, “Chappad phaad ke deta hai!!”

Most common gene - “I am emotionally stable & mature” - Yeah, and I am the princess of Narnia!!

Decision Maker – he makes ALL the decisions in the house.. He decides which bank account the money comes out of – urs or mine!?

Sports - “Even if the streets are filled with riots, and there is an Arsenal – Chelsea match, the match is more important.. Don’t dishturb!” Even if they don’t understand the sport, they have to watch it & make comments.

Friends - Constant comparison as to whether they are ‘Joey’ or ‘Chandler’ or ‘Ross’, and couldn’t care less about which of them you are..

The Acid test - The best Friend!

Weekend – “Life is a weekend” – it seems that they live from Sunday to Saturday, and thus you work Overtime (refer to point no. 1) during the week.. and you don’t even get any extra credit for it!

Gossip Mongrels – He wants all the gossip on your friends, but, wont accept that its gossip, coz, then, its called ‘An update’!

Smoking – Time pass & a good reason to check out the women at office..

Women Effect - The ex-s, the present, mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin sister, all the women in his life- His biggest balancing act!

Work-life balance- He is always the busy one at work.. If by any chance you are busy one day, god help you!!!

Flirting – He thinks it’s an art, and he knows it! Worst of all, he thinks that’s how he got you..

Fights & Makeup – Goes by the assumption that a kiss or a rose is all that you need to patch up after a fight.. I say, “Be a man”, “Mard Ban”; Lets talk!!

TV Remote What is that?

Statements you hear often from your boyfriend:

“I have to take care of the family” – I am not family!
“Main hoon na” – That’s the problem!
“Who is she talking to for SO long?” – Dude, its only been 10 minutes!
“Your phone is constantly engaged.. Who are you talking to?” (no matter what the reply, its not good enough)
“Make tea na… Get me biscuits… Maggiiiiiii…” – Get a cook!!
“What are we doing for dinner tonight?” - Like I have a say in the matter!!!!
“Uff.. How much Shopping will you do?” – even when the last time you went Shopping was 3 months back!

To the men reading this post : We all know the reality of the situation, so, lets not be justfying anything said here..
To the women reading this post : Have I left out any important points?

Disclaimer – this is a collection of thoughts from women with boyfriends and not about anybody in particular. Any coincidence with my friends’ behaviors with their girlfriends is purely coincidental.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well done....your disclaimer doesnt work..."Get maggi" is a dead giveaway...but sports???!!! Unless its your roomates contribution which is totally understandable...Acid test passed by the way! its pretty cool...think you should speak to Ron she will certainly have some pointers though not necessarily the same one...On a different note I think to be fair to R you should extend it to "every men room-mate" most of the stuff applies to me too...Except of course "emotionally mature..."...Wait till I get my hand on you and bash you up for this one...
Cheers!

You know who

gMale said...

I managed to read only your latest post. The day’s gotten busier than I expected. And the latest because that’s the facet that you’ve revealed most recently.

And I ended up chuckling, sometimes wryly and sometimes with a rueful “Don’t I know that?!”

I promise to read the other posts later...or maybe we could catch up over an unhurried afternoon beer and talk around the issues they represent. I’d love to cook you lunch, then. And that ain’t a reaction to what you’ve said. Only, I don’t have the cooking infrastructure where I live. I love cooking, albeit only simple chicken curry-dal-rice-salad meals. And when I cook for fun, I like being fortified by a smooth shot of Volatile Liquid...!

But, anyway, my thoughts....

Men don’t understand women. And women don’t understand men. Yes, I’m generalising, maybe over-generalising, too. But the level of understanding between the sexes remains rather basic and animal. That’s something we hate admitting because we believe we’re human, i.e. a whole level above animals.

Harmonious, fulfilling relationships between so-called Significant Others is a lifelong attempt, at best. It certainly takes way more than a lifetime. And even that, provided both parties find it sensible to keep on trying to do so.

So marriage, marital vows and even the commitment of steady romantic relationships don’t really make sense to me anymore. It’s just when we get married that we begin to take each other for granted...except in mighty rare cases.

Instead, a consensual romance including spontaneous sexual ramifications is what I believe works. By "sex," of course, I mean much more than The Act. I mean the sexiness of the being together and the interchange. However, that normally includes lovemaking. Making love is such an affirming, cherishing, respectful and giving gut-level response that few acts surpass the depths it touches of one's being.

This kind of quasi-married state has its share of hardships, of course. The woman forever lacks the security of someone who’s “there” for her. And the man who accepts that he doesn’t have a wife “to come home to” (although most men generally don’t rise above the slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am level) never gets the ego massage that he insists is his right.

It’s always been a choice between oneself and one’s committed relationships, for me. I’ve seen too much abuse in the latter and thus chosen the former, for my inner life. About the only true friends I have are those with whom I am as I am and they are as they are and yet with whom I share a rare quality of intimacy in which neither am I judged nor do I pass judgment.

Gotta go back to work now even if I feel I’ve barely scratched a mere crystal in the snow at the tip of the iceberg.

I just wish I made sense to you, Gem. I don't, to most people.

Jimmy said...

Is this true. Then I could be the female in my relationship. Har de Har Har!

Manishi said...

its damn funny...def more funny than teh movie!!! Oh i like funny stuff...!!!
great jokes...! ok lets be optimistic and look at the positive aspects...


Overtime - If you are in a 9 - 5 job, and your boyfriend goes to office from
11am - 11pm...
Dude, that gives you some time alone... Well, check you list again, spending some time alone must be on priority no.1.. isn’t it ?? Thats what you chikitas demand right... God knows y but ya you guys do man..!!!

Khaana Pakana - as much as he might be OK with you not knowing how to cook...
Since girls can’t really eat outside food everyday long time, can you ? So cooking helps you
to become a better cook, so that in future you can cook and have better options than same regular mixed veg and roti from Sai-Sagar...

Food changes everything - His mood, his feelings for you, his...
Eating together is such a pleasure... isn’t it ?

His friends/ your friends – become ‘Our Friends’...
Ofcourse, common friends bind the two people strongly...

Commitment – the word that scares him the most in the English dictionary...
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a great French philosopher of World War II times said "He who is most slow in making a promise is the most faithful in performance of it.”

The 2-faced man – as much as he likes you to be ‘western’ in...
SANSKAR dude SANSKAR...!!

The Kid - Men will always be boys!!! They don’t grow up.. EVER!!!! ...
Arrey shashtri ji ne bola hai na ki "There is a child in everybody, never let the child die... The day child dies, inquisitiveness and fun dies.." ummm..does it make sense..?? well...ummmm...ya... oh then it must be Shashtri Ji only who said this... (Dun you dare ask me who Shashtri ji…????)

Appreciate his brilliance from time to time...
Aaah.. do we get tired of appreciating beauty...infact we appreciate everyones beauty...!!! its an expression which is so selfless...!!!

Tell him who you find HOT / SEXY.. He doesn’t believe ...
Arrey baba, its just to know your taste better...!! You chikitas no..everything u take in a wrong way...!!!

‘The Image” – ‘I don’t fall for ANY girl.. Girls fall for me”...
Its called Confidence

Most common gene - “I am emotionally stable & mature” - Yeah, and I am the princess of Narnia!!
What the fck..!!! and all this while you din even tell me that you are Princess of Narnia... Not fair dude... i could have been in a better job by now man.. i could have asked your dad to get me hooked on to some great NGO ...!!! che.. shame.. and u call yourself a friend!!! Ok atleast now do it..!! wuts your dad’s cel number ?

Decision Maker – he makes ALL the decisions in the house.. He decides which bank account the money comes out of – urs or mine!?
Dude what this??? Whats yours and whats mine...!!! its all ours...!!! dun let this feeling of
mine and yours settle down in you...!!! Gita mein likha hai na " Tum kya apne saath laaye the jiske liye tum rote ho..!" understand the depth in this statement and you will not have problems ever after..!!! you live happily just like Shrek and Fiona…!

Sports - “Even if the streets are filled with riots, and there is an Arsenal – Chelsea … Even if they don’t understand the sport, they have to watch it & make comments.
Ok kul if we dun know anything about sports then you tell me how many Goals Kapil Dev scored in Wimbledon Open against China in 1998...??

Friends - Constant comparison as to whether they are ‘Joey’ or ‘Chandler’ or ‘Ross’, and couldn’t care less about which of them you are...
Arrey u dun understand.. its not comparison...its discovering the person in yourself and your friends... its a process of knowing each other better... and helping each other to get the direction and grow in it…

The Acid test - The best Friend!
I dun like tests... Acid ..hee hee :-D

Weekend – “Life is a weekend” – it seems that they live from Sunday to Saturday…
Oh thats true..!! We live life from Sunday - Saturday : Sunday then Monday then Tuesday then... then Friday and then Saturday...!!!

Gossip Mongrels – He wants all the gossip on your friends, but, wont accept that its gossip, coz, then, its called ‘An update’!
Baba its not Gossip...! its getting to know what your friends, like what they do... what they like. Imagine just in case you are not around, then who is goin to take care of your chikita friends... ya… ofcourse, who else...!! so isn’t it better to know them better and whats happening in their life.. Now tell me whats wrong with that... its selfless behavior again..!

Smoking – Time pass & a good reason to check out the women at office..
Dude checking out women in TCS...&$^&#$%#$*&!!!!!! Think again…!!! If that wud have been the reason I wud have quit smoking 3 FCKIN YEARS BACK…!!!

Women Effect - The ex-s, the present, mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin sister, all the women in his life- His biggest balancing act!
Very old saying.. Women create imbalance in life...!!! Well even after trying really hard no one has ever been able to prove it wrong ..still look at me…still trying to balance it..Now isn’t that positive..! You should appreciate it man..!!! I must tell you man, we dun get any appreciation at all..!!


Work-life balance- He is always the busy one at work.. If by any chance you are busy one day, god help you!!!
If by any chance you are busy one day..!!! I like that..!!! Busy by chance and that too for one day..!!! I am liking it...!!! hee hee… finally you agree..!!!


Flirting – He thinks it’s an art, and he knows it! Worst of all, he thinks that’s how he got you..
See flirting is a Yogic exercise.. it keeps your mind healthy..!!! If you dun believe me, ask Yoga Mahaguru Maharaj Yoganand Shashtri...! and wuts wrong in meeting someone while DOING yoga….!!! Common dude..!! be a sport…!!


Fights & Makeup – Goes by the assumption that a kiss or a rose is all that you need to patch up after a fight.. I say, “Be a man”, “Mard Ban”; Lets talk!!
Dude agar Mard Ban toh Lets not Talk..!!! Lets...

TV Remote – What is that?
Its ok if you dun know what TV Remote is..? coz its really not required.. girls are there no...!

Momma’s boy – At the end, Momma knows everything...
aah.. maaa.. i have become senti now..will talk laterz..!! :-(


See life is so simple… where are the Side Fx ? Now will you please stop wasting time in thinking all this and getting sad and make me some Rajma Chawal…???


- Joey ..errrr… Manishi

R said...

Happy Women's Day !!!

Anwesha Chatterjee said...

Fantastic!!!! One of your best really!!!!!

Aparna.G said...

@'You know who' - I think you are emotionally mature.. there are exceptions to every rule! :-))

@gmale - definitely made sense.. I think its difficult to understand men.. neither genders are consistent in their behaviors, and i guess, thus the difficulty in comprehension :-)

@jimmy - Hehe!

Aparna.G said...

@ manishi - Aah! Rajma Chawal - thats pending.. and salami too eh? Hmmmmmmmm

@r - Thanks.. You made your point.. :-)

@anwesha - thanks babe!!!

tanay said...

in serial order
1. consider the scenario, where the timings are swapped!! then what?
3. it'a universal phonomenon!
5. commitment is not scary, but it may be tailored and that is something that needs to be understood.
7. more than that, it's called return to innocence.
8. have you noticed, they care only about, what you have to say .. and no one else's opinion matters, does it tell you something?

A S H I S H said...

Aaw! Girls(Women) will be Girls(Women)...
Things like this "keeps the spark alive", my inexperience won't stop me quipping this :)
Facts with masala well mishmashed...gud stoke for Feminist Evangelism.
...So on that note Happy Womens Day!

Grey Shades said...

Does the disclaimer mean I cant sue you anymore? Awww man!!!! :(

Aparna.G said...

@tanay: point no.8- rubbish!

@ashish - masala mishmashed? :( facts dude, facts! :)

@greyshades - Muhahahhahahaha :)

Everyman said...

You sure have done some research partner! You said no arguing, so i am not goin to (since we all indeed know the reality of the situation) :-D

but I do wonder abt gossip though..if men 'get an update', would you call that gossip..and what do u call it when men do what women do when they bitch??

Aparna.G said...

@everyman - I said no justfying the act.. Arguing, sure, I am up for it! :-)

I guess that is an additional category - bitching.. And I am thinking, Do men bitch more than women do? Hmmmmm...

Gossip remains gossip.. Bitching & Gossip are different things altogether..

Arunima said...

Good read.

I actually liked the movie. Mallika did justice to the role.

3inone said...

haven't seen the movie. but you post is a great read. I have been laughing right through it.

AmitL said...

Hi,Aparna...that was a great take on the movie...I couldnt' stop grinning or laughing.Since u've said' no justifications', I'm not commenting further.hahaha.The best line of the post was 'Main Hoon Na'..

Ujjwal said...

Hilarious !!! : ) First of all I would say this can be a very interesting source of input for anyone aspiring to create a sequel to that movie and I sincerely wish Preity Zinta plays the female protagonist(just using my freedom of expression which our Constitutions give to you as much to me).

Just tried like looking at it from a non humorous angle.

I feel that we all should be thankful to God that He has made us human beings ( men and women both) too complex to be generalized under any category except for physiological attributes. Our complexity is such that we don't understand our own selves most of the times what to say about others understanding us or we understanding them. Just like it is difficult(rather impossible) to generalize people on the basis of their religion, casete, creed etc . But yes, having said that, our life span is short and our emotional strength is too limited for us to make an earnest effort to understand more than a few people a bit closely. Does that become our understanding of the world ? It will get torturous if you do so.

Hence, be confident that life is too interesting and people( again both men and women) are much more interesting than what the movie depicts. So we all should take our time and look for that person who doesn't fit in that jacket which we carry stitched in our minds.

I am saying so because I consider myself successful atleast on this ground. :)

Jimmy said...

Well, I guess everybody gossips. And everybody bitches too. But do women bitch more than men? Dunno.

Vikas said...

its funny :)

Aparna.G said...

@amitl - Thanks!!! :))) I am glad you found it funny, many men who have visted this post have taken it personally :D

@ujjwal - by god! You've made a good choice!! & So has Aarti!!! :D

@jimmy - well, i think we women acknowledge that we bitch, but men dont.. & i am trying to say just that much.. :)

@vikas - :)))

Jimmy said...

Hey! You are not getting away with this!!! Where's our next post???

claytonia vices said...

This post is just two days from Women's day and you wrote an entire post talking about men! :-)

Just an observation! ;-)

AmitL said...

Hi,Aparna,well,let me admit,some of the situations were pretty real life ones..heh heh...:)But,what's up..no new posts??

Jimmy said...

Hey, wakey!!! It's getting dark :)

Pegasus said...

this post is much better than the movie by the same name

Aparna.G said...

@claytonia - ermmm.. women & men need each other, so, this post was like a dedication to the men I've observed & known over the years.. :-)

@amitl - Thank u..

@jimmy - yes, high time i see.. too many things happening, and it becomes difficult to blog about one thing in life.. so, wrote a generic post that combines all that I am going through - thanks to Shain! :-))

@pegasus - Thanks so much!!! Your continuous appreciation will keep my writing and humor alive & awake, I assure you! :-)))

Varun Sadana said...

Clappings Clappings Clappings.. laughed my wits out on this one.. really humourous, and believe me, i hope u weren't serious while writing all this, cause am sure much of this has been written how it would have been, had the two sexes were interchanged in this article.
Btw, the Arsenal - Chelsea match thing was bingo! (and yes a few other things too.. which ones, i think u know too!)

again.. clappings