Goodbye..

I am at one of those phases in life when I find the need to shut off from this world of blogging.. a phase when I have too many thoughts, and I don’t want to disclose them.. These thoughts are random & unconnected, but very precious to me, to the core me..

I have changed over the years… Life was so different when I used to study here.. It does not mean that I don’t enjoy myself now, I do, just in ways so different, it dint occur to me.. and if I look at myself from the outside, I see ‘me’ changing.. A huge part of me lives in the old Chennai.. a part lives in Trivandrum, a part in Kolkata, and a major part in Mumbai.. this new ‘me’ is and has to be, by circumstance, very different.. and I feel like I don’t know this person at all.. Its going to take time to get to know her…Time has come to say ‘Goodbye’ for now.. I will see you when I have moved on…

Until then,
Khuda-hafis!
Ciao!

Chak De

It’s a must watch for any sportswoman who has been or is or wants to be…

Another movie that is as inspiring as this is a tamil movie based on an athelete – ‘Ashwini Nachappa’..

Ashwini Nachappa was a great inspiration for me in those days!!! I used to watch the movie before an athletic meet… just to get inspired! Now you call it filmy, or motivation – but, I always came away with a medal or two after watching her…

I was a sportswoman by birth… Any game I took to, I gave my life for it.. Ask my mother for anecdotes, and she will tell you of times when she was scared of my guts to perform, no matter what!

Another amazingly inspirational movie was ‘Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander’… more than the last race, this movie was about the spirit to win.. the passion to prove a point to the world..All these movies have a common thread – the last match – the deciding match – the hero or heroine always win!

But, to me, what’s inspiring about them is not the last match… it’s all the effort that has been put into that match.. & unless you have played a game, got training like that, and felt that team spirit, the movie wont come alive to you like it came to me..

I was not the average teenage girl.. Instead of fussing over makeup, I fussed over the cricket bat I wanted to buy for Diwali.. I did not like to dress up for occasions and look pretty.. I wanted to be in my jeans & play with the boys..

I gained a lot from Sports.. I grew up learning to work in a team.. learning about Sportsmanship.. about motivation.. learnt that ‘how you play’ is more important than ‘who wins’.. learnt that the coach has advice to give you, and you must listen to the coach, if you want to win… learnt about responsibilities and commitments.. learnt about variety in a task.. learnt about learning new ways to do a particular task is very important.. learnt about studying strategies & patterns.. learnt about strengths & weaknesses, and how to harness it or work on it.. learnt about egos & what it can do to a game.. learnt about passion for a task.. I had gained a lot of inner strength by the time I moved to my workplace..

I was very active in sports until I started working..I applied all my ‘learning’ at the workplace with ease as I had grown up understanding the world through my games.. But I realized, reality is different from my gaming world.. I had accepted everything I learnt in a game as true to the business world too...

I thought my coach knew everything .. I thought my team will cooperate.. I thought that we play for one company/ country with one goal – to win as a team.. I assumed a lot and it worked against me…

Reality is harsh.. I couldn’t continue playing or take it up as a profession coz I could not have earned a living with it.. So, I had to find other things I love to do, and move on..

Its past quarter-time now.. Its been a tough game.. My strategy has to change…

Chak De!!

Reality is an illusion.. caused by alcohol deficiency - Mondys!

& i am back!

Its been a long journey since my last post.. Too much has happened for me to even start narrating events, leave alone whats in my head!

A reality check - I am back in Chennai!

A reality I don't want to check - return to my friends & life in Mumbai!

A reality that I have always wanted - Working for a Social Entrepreneur

An illusion - My dreams for my present company; they are illusions; or may I say, "Dreams"..

An illusion - Chennai is how I had left it a couple of years back (am way off track on this one)

An illusion - I will make new friends; I will get my life back (until this happens, its an illusion)

An illusion - The life I have left behind in Mumbai will be mine, at some point in life

Random thoughts

- Leaving Mumbai is going to be very difficult. I will miss this city so much; its variety, life, entertainment, and my family here..
- Leaving my job after 2 years. I have no regrets at this one. My job scene is looking up.
- Going back home after 2 years to stay with my folks. Mixed emotions.
- Honesty is not a policy, taking insurance is.
- Culture has 4 ‘ingredients’ – values, norms, institutions & artifacts.
- Like the movie 2046, 1503 is mine (in a strange way).
- Blogs are stress relievers.
- We are generation-next.
- The world is unfair, especially to women. I am not a feminist, but, I do believe in ‘Equality’, and fighting for it makes me seem like a ‘rebel’.
- I believe in the power of love from a human being rather than God, is that a wrong?
- We are the future society, and we are changing mindsets, just that we don’t know it. Like the term – ABCDs (American Born Confused Desis), I think we are at times a generation of IBCDs (Indian Born Confused Desis).
- Money is a very delicate topic to deal with. Either you have it or you don’t.
- Setting up a house is a tough job. Its like software – you need to understand requirements, design a code, deploy and umpteen people are employed for maintenance.
- Parents love you, no matter what.
- Good friends can be thicker than blood relations.
- Books are the best things that happened to/by mankind.
- Taboo topics are no more taboo. Many others are.
- The change in life of a close friend affects everyone around him/ her.
- Perception is the beginning & almost the end to understanding people. I think this is the strongest foundation.
- Humor is the best gift one can be born with.
- I can’t remember jokes for the life of me.
- I have shifted from drinking tea to just plain milk from the vending machine in the hope of losing weight, and I got to loose oodles of it.
- Surprises are not always good.
- Don’t keep reminders for birthdays of family / siblings. If the phone conks, you forget the birthday and it goes down in history.
- Erehwon is in everyway ME.

I..

I am thinking about… all the good times with my friends.. with family, when the 5 of us were together.. the choices I’ve made.. what the future beholds.. life.. career.. hobbies..

I said... an apology, but, it wasn’t accepted.. a joke, and everyone laughed.. ‘Yes it is’..

I want to...fly away from here with my soulmate E.. become more emotionally strong.. have more time on my hands to do all the things I want to do, and have no tensions to worry about.. earn a good living, and support myself.. travel around the world..

I wish... I could spend some time, like the good ol’ carefree days with my friends, not all at the same place, but, sitting at the same spots we used to hang out at, doing all the things we used to, being the way we were, laughing away at silly jokes..

I hear... my soul pleading me to get some peace..

I wonder.. what will happen in the future?

I regret... nothing..

I am... confused..

I dance... for myself, in my head; for when it translates into action, I am not as elegant as I must be..

I sing... only in my head!

I cry... very easily these days.. which I try not to do.. So, everytime my eyes well up, I tell myself, “No, don’t cry!”, par kambakht, manta hi nahi..

I am not always.. careful.. offlate in fact, I have been ‘Ms. Butterfingers’ herself.. broke R's photoframe (which was a gift) :-(

I make with my hands... Tea, Maggi..

I write... sometimes to release my hurt & frustrations.. It gives me an instant relief.. Blogging has to be the best thing that has happened to me..

I confuse… myself with the umpteen choices I throw up to myself..

I need... love, affection, peace, happiness, warmth.. my old friends around me more than anything else.. someone who understands me..

P.S – this is a borrowed idea from Everyman's blog (who had got tagged from his blogger friend), so we don't know the origin of this idea.. Having said that, the thoughts are Mine!
So, tell me about you..

Pyaar ke side effects – the female version:

This is our take on the movie.. The movie, hilarious as it was, and that all of us could relate to at some level, had some truth & fiction to it, but, was the man's story.. Here is the female version:

Pyaar Ke Side Effects:
Overtime - If you are in a 9 - 5 job, and your boyfriend goes to office from 11am - 11pm, you have to do Overtime!!! Meaning, you sleep late, get up early.. make food after you get home (even if you have had the toughest day in your life, first cook his food)..

Khaana Pakana - as much as he might be OK with you not knowing how to cook, he expects you will learn and make him some good food, if not as good as his moms (never will be), atleast something edible..

Food changes everything - His mood, his feelings for you, his opinion of you..Believe me, EVERYTHING!!

His friends/ your friends – become ‘Our Friends’

‘Commitment’ – the word that scares him the most in the English dictionary..

The 2-faced man – as much as he likes you to be ‘western’ in your clothing, he would Really prefer the traditional girl in you..

The Kid - Men will always be boys!!! They don’t grow up.. EVER!!!!

Appreciate his brilliance from time to time - Men like to be appreciated for their ideas/ methods / conversations / advice.. Many of the brilliant conversations come after a few pegs are down.. (they may be repetitive, but, don’t notice).. So, give it to him

Tell him who you find HOT / SEXY.. He doesn’t believe in the line, " Tu hi to mera sansar hai.. Aisa mera pyaar hai".. He wants to know who his competition is!! (Even though there may be none)

Momma’s boy – At the end, Momma knows everything & you don’t know anything!

‘The Image” – ‘I don’t fall for ANY girl.. Girls fall for me” Poor dude, doesn’t know when reality hits him, “Chappad phaad ke deta hai!!”

Most common gene - “I am emotionally stable & mature” - Yeah, and I am the princess of Narnia!!

Decision Maker – he makes ALL the decisions in the house.. He decides which bank account the money comes out of – urs or mine!?

Sports - “Even if the streets are filled with riots, and there is an Arsenal – Chelsea match, the match is more important.. Don’t dishturb!” Even if they don’t understand the sport, they have to watch it & make comments.

Friends - Constant comparison as to whether they are ‘Joey’ or ‘Chandler’ or ‘Ross’, and couldn’t care less about which of them you are..

The Acid test - The best Friend!

Weekend – “Life is a weekend” – it seems that they live from Sunday to Saturday, and thus you work Overtime (refer to point no. 1) during the week.. and you don’t even get any extra credit for it!

Gossip Mongrels – He wants all the gossip on your friends, but, wont accept that its gossip, coz, then, its called ‘An update’!

Smoking – Time pass & a good reason to check out the women at office..

Women Effect - The ex-s, the present, mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin sister, all the women in his life- His biggest balancing act!

Work-life balance- He is always the busy one at work.. If by any chance you are busy one day, god help you!!!

Flirting – He thinks it’s an art, and he knows it! Worst of all, he thinks that’s how he got you..

Fights & Makeup – Goes by the assumption that a kiss or a rose is all that you need to patch up after a fight.. I say, “Be a man”, “Mard Ban”; Lets talk!!

TV Remote – What is that?

Statements you hear often from your boyfriend:

“I have to take care of the family” – I am not family!
“Main hoon na” – That’s the problem!
“Who is she talking to for SO long?” – Dude, its only been 10 minutes!
“Your phone is constantly engaged.. Who are you talking to?” (no matter what the reply, its not good enough)
“Make tea na… Get me biscuits… Maggiiiiiii…” – Get a cook!!
“What are we doing for dinner tonight?” - Like I have a say in the matter!!!!
“Uff.. How much Shopping will you do?” – even when the last time you went Shopping was 3 months back!

To the men reading this post : We all know the reality of the situation, so, lets not be justfying anything said here..
To the women reading this post : Have I left out any important points?

Disclaimer – this is a collection of thoughts from women with boyfriends and not about anybody in particular. Any coincidence with my friends’ behaviors with their girlfriends is purely coincidental.

Disappointments

Its strange.. I always thought I could deal with disappointments.. “throw them at me and I will be fine!” was what I thought I told the world.. This year seems to be that year when everyone is throwing disappointments at me..

Now now now.. Its not that I cant handle them.. I have understood a few things though:
a.Disappointments are disappointing ‘cause of the bubbles it bursts
b.Disappointments are unintentional
c.Disappoint… are unexpected
d.Disapp.. are not something we ‘look forward to’
e.Disa.. are something we are never prepared enough for
f.Di.. are a part of life

They come in ranges too.. “Very disappointing”.. “A little disappointing”.. “Damn Disappointing”.. end of the matter is, it is DISAPPOINTING!!

Why do I stress on the word so much? ‘Cause of points c – f. We talk so much about life, and how its so beautiful, and all the lovely things we have to do.. so much to explore.. so much to work towards.. so much to hope for..

Actually, when I think about it, I think I understand why the activists are constantly disappointed?! ‘Cause every day, every minute, they hope to set their flag and conquer the hope mountain.. they hope that someone up there in the high authority seat will listen and heed and talk and solve issues..

& that is when our disappointment goes up.. coz, well, face it, nobody does solve your problems.. It’s a world where you fight your own battles.. relationships may be tarred, loved ones may be lost, but, if you want to remain tall on the mountain, all you really have to cling on to, is Hope!

Hope – such a positive word, isn’t it? So filled with energy, enthusiasm, excitement, love, passion, beauty, freshness, and hope..

All we all have is Hope! That is all we have.. Hope that tomorrow, things will be fine.. hope that one day, things will be fine.. Hope that someday, things will be fine..

Its not strange anymore.. It is true.. I can handle disappointments.. 'cause I have Hope.. I have loads of it..