ErehwoN

Goodbye..

2007-09-12T18:46:00.000+05:30

I am at one of those phases in life when I find the need to shut off from this world of blogging.. a phase when I have too many thoughts, and I don’t want to disclose them.. These thoughts are random & unconnected, but very precious to me, to the core me..

I have changed over the years… Life was so different when I used to study here.. It does not mean that I don’t enjoy myself now, I do, just in ways so different, it dint occur to me.. and if I look at myself from the outside, I see ‘me’ changing.. A huge part of me lives in the old Chennai.. a part lives in Trivandrum, a part in Kolkata, and a major part in Mumbai.. this new ‘me’ is and has to be, by circumstance, very different.. and I feel like I don’t know this person at all.. Its going to take time to get to know her…Time has come to say ‘Goodbye’ for now.. I will see you when I have moved on…

Until then,
Khuda-hafis!
Ciao!

Chak De

2007-08-22T00:15:00.000+05:30

It’s a must watch for any sportswoman who has been or is or wants to be…

Another movie that is as inspiring as this is a tamil movie based on an athelete – ‘Ashwini Nachappa’..

Ashwini Nachappa was a great inspiration for me in those days!!! I used to watch the movie before an athletic meet… just to get inspired! Now you call it filmy, or motivation – but, I always came away with a medal or two after watching her…

I was a sportswoman by birth… Any game I took to, I gave my life for it.. Ask my mother for anecdotes, and she will tell you of times when she was scared of my guts to perform, no matter what!

Another amazingly inspirational movie was ‘Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander’… more than the last race, this movie was about the spirit to win.. the passion to prove a point to the world..All these movies have a common thread – the last match – the deciding match – the hero or heroine always win!

But, to me, what’s inspiring about them is not the last match… it’s all the effort that has been put into that match.. & unless you have played a game, got training like that, and felt that team spirit, the movie wont come alive to you like it came to me..

I was not the average teenage girl.. Instead of fussing over makeup, I fussed over the cricket bat I wanted to buy for Diwali.. I did not like to dress up for occasions and look pretty.. I wanted to be in my jeans & play with the boys..

I gained a lot from Sports.. I grew up learning to work in a team.. learning about Sportsmanship.. about motivation.. learnt that ‘how you play’ is more important than ‘who wins’.. learnt that the coach has advice to give you, and you must listen to the coach, if you want to win… learnt about responsibilities and commitments.. learnt about variety in a task.. learnt about learning new ways to do a particular task is very important.. learnt about studying strategies & patterns.. learnt about strengths & weaknesses, and how to harness it or work on it.. learnt about egos & what it can do to a game.. learnt about passion for a task.. I had gained a lot of inner strength by the time I moved to my workplace..

I was very active in sports until I started working..I applied all my ‘learning’ at the workplace with ease as I had grown up understanding the world through my games.. But I realized, reality is different from my gaming world.. I had accepted everything I learnt in a game as true to the business world too...

I thought my coach knew everything .. I thought my team will cooperate.. I thought that we play for one company/ country with one goal – to win as a team.. I assumed a lot and it worked against me…

Reality is harsh.. I couldn’t continue playing or take it up as a profession coz I could not have earned a living with it.. So, I had to find other things I love to do, and move on..

Its past quarter-time now.. Its been a tough game.. My strategy has to change…

Chak De!!

Reality is an illusion.. caused by alcohol deficiency - Mondys!

2007-07-01T23:18:00.000+05:30

& i am back!

Its been a long journey since my last post.. Too much has happened for me to even start narrating events, leave alone whats in my head!

A reality check - I am back in Chennai!

A reality I don't want to check - return to my friends & life in Mumbai!

A reality that I have always wanted - Working for a Social Entrepreneur

An illusion - My dreams for my present company; they are illusions; or may I say, "Dreams"..

An illusion - Chennai is how I had left it a couple of years back (am way off track on this one)

An illusion - I will make new friends; I will get my life back (until this happens, its an illusion)

An illusion - The life I have left behind in Mumbai will be mine, at some point in life

Random thoughts

2007-05-15T14:20:00.000+05:30

- Leaving Mumbai is going to be very difficult. I will miss this city so much; its variety, life, entertainment, and my family here..
- Leaving my job after 2 years. I have no regrets at this one. My job scene is looking up.
- Going back home after 2 years to stay with my folks. Mixed emotions.
- Honesty is not a policy, taking insurance is.
- Culture has 4 ‘ingredients’ – values, norms, institutions & artifacts.
- Like the movie 2046, 1503 is mine (in a strange way).
- Blogs are stress relievers.
- We are generation-next.
- The world is unfair, especially to women. I am not a feminist, but, I do believe in ‘Equality’, and fighting for it makes me seem like a ‘rebel’.
- I believe in the power of love from a human being rather than God, is that a wrong?
- We are the future society, and we are changing mindsets, just that we don’t know it. Like the term – ABCDs (American Born Confused Desis), I think we are at times a generation of IBCDs (Indian Born Confused Desis).
- Money is a very delicate topic to deal with. Either you have it or you don’t.
- Setting up a house is a tough job. Its like software – you need to understand requirements, design a code, deploy and umpteen people are employed for maintenance.
- Parents love you, no matter what.
- Good friends can be thicker than blood relations.
- Books are the best things that happened to/by mankind.
- Taboo topics are no more taboo. Many others are.
- The change in life of a close friend affects everyone around him/ her.
- Perception is the beginning & almost the end to understanding people. I think this is the strongest foundation.
- Humor is the best gift one can be born with.
- I can’t remember jokes for the life of me.
- I have shifted from drinking tea to just plain milk from the vending machine in the hope of losing weight, and I got to loose oodles of it.
- Surprises are not always good.
- Don’t keep reminders for birthdays of family / siblings. If the phone conks, you forget the birthday and it goes down in history.
- Erehwon is in everyway ME.

2007-04-07T16:36:00.000+05:30

I..

I am thinking about… all the good times with my friends.. with family, when the 5 of us were together.. the choices I’ve made.. what the future beholds.. life.. career.. hobbies..

I said... an apology, but, it wasn’t accepted.. a joke, and everyone laughed.. ‘Yes it is’..

I want to...fly away from here with my soulmate E.. become more emotionally strong.. have more time on my hands to do all the things I want to do, and have no tensions to worry about.. earn a good living, and support myself.. travel around the world..

I wish... I could spend some time, like the good ol’ carefree days with my friends, not all at the same place, but, sitting at the same spots we used to hang out at, doing all the things we used to, being the way we were, laughing away at silly jokes..

I hear... my soul pleading me to get some peace..

I wonder.. what will happen in the future?

I regret... nothing..

I am... confused..

I dance... for myself, in my head; for when it translates into action, I am not as elegant as I must be..

I sing... only in my head!

I cry... very easily these days.. which I try not to do.. So, everytime my eyes well up, I tell myself, “No, don’t cry!”, par kambakht, manta hi nahi..

I am not always.. careful.. offlate in fact, I have been ‘Ms. Butterfingers’ herself.. broke R's photoframe (which was a gift) :-(

I make with my hands... Tea, Maggi..

I write... sometimes to release my hurt & frustrations.. It gives me an instant relief.. Blogging has to be the best thing that has happened to me..

I confuse… myself with the umpteen choices I throw up to myself..

I need... love, affection, peace, happiness, warmth.. my old friends around me more than anything else.. someone who understands me..

P.S – this is a borrowed idea from Everyman's blog (who had got tagged from his blogger friend), so we don't know the origin of this idea.. Having said that, the thoughts are Mine!
So, tell me about you..

Pyaar ke side effects – the female version:

2007-03-06T09:12:00.000+05:30

This is our take on the movie.. The movie, hilarious as it was, and that all of us could relate to at some level, had some truth & fiction to it, but, was the man's story.. Here is the female version:

Pyaar Ke Side Effects:
Overtime - If you are in a 9 - 5 job, and your boyfriend goes to office from 11am - 11pm, you have to do Overtime!!! Meaning, you sleep late, get up early.. make food after you get home (even if you have had the toughest day in your life, first cook his food)..

Khaana Pakana - as much as he might be OK with you not knowing how to cook, he expects you will learn and make him some good food, if not as good as his moms (never will be), atleast something edible..

Food changes everything - His mood, his feelings for you, his opinion of you..Believe me, EVERYTHING!!

His friends/ your friends – become ‘Our Friends’

‘Commitment’ – the word that scares him the most in the English dictionary..

The 2-faced man – as much as he likes you to be ‘western’ in your clothing, he would Really prefer the traditional girl in you..

The Kid - Men will always be boys!!! They don’t grow up.. EVER!!!!

Appreciate his brilliance from time to time - Men like to be appreciated for their ideas/ methods / conversations / advice.. Many of the brilliant conversations come after a few pegs are down.. (they may be repetitive, but, don’t notice).. So, give it to him

Tell him who you find HOT / SEXY.. He doesn’t believe in the line, " Tu hi to mera sansar hai.. Aisa mera pyaar hai".. He wants to know who his competition is!! (Even though there may be none)

Momma’s boy – At the end, Momma knows everything & you don’t know anything!

‘The Image” – ‘I don’t fall for ANY girl.. Girls fall for me” Poor dude, doesn’t know when reality hits him, “Chappad phaad ke deta hai!!”

Most common gene - “I am emotionally stable & mature” - Yeah, and I am the princess of Narnia!!

Decision Maker – he makes ALL the decisions in the house.. He decides which bank account the money comes out of – urs or mine!?

Sports - “Even if the streets are filled with riots, and there is an Arsenal – Chelsea match, the match is more important.. Don’t dishturb!” Even if they don’t understand the sport, they have to watch it & make comments.

Friends - Constant comparison as to whether they are ‘Joey’ or ‘Chandler’ or ‘Ross’, and couldn’t care less about which of them you are..

The Acid test - The best Friend!

Weekend – “Life is a weekend” – it seems that they live from Sunday to Saturday, and thus you work Overtime (refer to point no. 1) during the week.. and you don’t even get any extra credit for it!

Gossip Mongrels – He wants all the gossip on your friends, but, wont accept that its gossip, coz, then, its called ‘An update’!

Smoking – Time pass & a good reason to check out the women at office..

Women Effect - The ex-s, the present, mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin sister, all the women in his life- His biggest balancing act!

Work-life balance- He is always the busy one at work.. If by any chance you are busy one day, god help you!!!

Flirting – He thinks it’s an art, and he knows it! Worst of all, he thinks that’s how he got you..

Fights & Makeup – Goes by the assumption that a kiss or a rose is all that you need to patch up after a fight.. I say, “Be a man”, “Mard Ban”; Lets talk!!

TV Remote – What is that?

Statements you hear often from your boyfriend:

“I have to take care of the family” – I am not family!
“Main hoon na” – That’s the problem!
“Who is she talking to for SO long?” – Dude, its only been 10 minutes!
“Your phone is constantly engaged.. Who are you talking to?” (no matter what the reply, its not good enough)
“Make tea na… Get me biscuits… Maggiiiiiii…” – Get a cook!!
“What are we doing for dinner tonight?” - Like I have a say in the matter!!!!
“Uff.. How much Shopping will you do?” – even when the last time you went Shopping was 3 months back!

To the men reading this post : We all know the reality of the situation, so, lets not be justfying anything said here..
To the women reading this post : Have I left out any important points?

Disclaimer – this is a collection of thoughts from women with boyfriends and not about anybody in particular. Any coincidence with my friends’ behaviors with their girlfriends is purely coincidental.

Disappointments

2007-02-27T16:44:00.001+05:30

Its strange.. I always thought I could deal with disappointments.. “throw them at me and I will be fine!” was what I thought I told the world.. This year seems to be that year when everyone is throwing disappointments at me..

Now now now.. Its not that I cant handle them.. I have understood a few things though:
a.Disappointments are disappointing ‘cause of the bubbles it bursts
b.Disappointments are unintentional
c.Disappoint… are unexpected
d.Disapp.. are not something we ‘look forward to’
e.Disa.. are something we are never prepared enough for
f.Di.. are a part of life

They come in ranges too.. “Very disappointing”.. “A little disappointing”.. “Damn Disappointing”.. end of the matter is, it is DISAPPOINTING!!

Why do I stress on the word so much? ‘Cause of points c – f. We talk so much about life, and how its so beautiful, and all the lovely things we have to do.. so much to explore.. so much to work towards.. so much to hope for..

Actually, when I think about it, I think I understand why the activists are constantly disappointed?! ‘Cause every day, every minute, they hope to set their flag and conquer the hope mountain.. they hope that someone up there in the high authority seat will listen and heed and talk and solve issues..

& that is when our disappointment goes up.. coz, well, face it, nobody does solve your problems.. It’s a world where you fight your own battles.. relationships may be tarred, loved ones may be lost, but, if you want to remain tall on the mountain, all you really have to cling on to, is Hope!

Hope – such a positive word, isn’t it? So filled with energy, enthusiasm, excitement, love, passion, beauty, freshness, and hope..

All we all have is Hope! That is all we have.. Hope that tomorrow, things will be fine.. hope that one day, things will be fine.. Hope that someday, things will be fine..

Its not strange anymore.. It is true.. I can handle disappointments.. 'cause I have Hope.. I have loads of it..

Consider This..

2007-02-23T13:02:00.000+05:30

1. Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
2. Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up’
3. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use
4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take up too much of your time
5. Born free; Taxed to death
6. If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
7. Someday is not a day of the week
8. If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he’ll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
9. The road to success is always under construction.
10. Life is unsure; always eat your desert first

WHAT ABOUT RACISM IN INDIA ?

2007-02-13T10:45:00.000+05:30

Below is a cut-copy-paste job of an article written by my uncle for the Pioneer..

WHAT ABOUT RACISM IN INDIA ?
A. SURYA PRAKASH

"British citizens have lost no time in exorcising the racist ghost that had suddenly come to haunt them after Jade Goody's inappropriate comments and conduct in the reality television show Celebrity Big Brother. Whatever be the views of persons like Goody, the desire of British society at large to distance itself from her remarks that were construed racist and offensive is indeed commendable.

While Indians are rejoicing over Shilpa Shetty's victory ( triumph of good over Goody ?), the celebrations would be meaningless if they were not accompanied by some soul-searching about racist attitudes within our own country. It is all very well to raise our voices against Jade Goody but like the British are we ready to face the issue squarely? The people of India belong to many races and cultures. Are we even aware of the prejudices we display and the cruelty we practice towards fellow citizens who happen to be dark skinned? Are we ready, like the British, to face the truth and initiate some corrective action?

If we are troubled by racism, we must begin the clean-up act with Hindi cinema which is full of situations and dialogues that can be described as racist. Millions of Indians have watched a lungi-clad Mehmood, his face daubed in black paint, prance around crazily to "Hum Kale Hai Tho Kya Hua, Dilwale Hai". This indeed is the racial stereotype that Hindi cinema has projected for decades. More recently, Satish Kaushik played the role of a South-Indian musician in a movie along side Govinda. Here too the make-up guys painted his face black. The dialogues in this movie too were loaded with crude racist remarks with Govinda and Khader Khan, another actor, heaping scorn on Satish Kaushik for being dark skinned.

I am appalled at the stereotypes that Hindi cinema and television seek to project all the time. Going by these stereotypes, all South-Indians are "black" and "ugly" and all North-Indians are "white" and "good-looking". The truth is that most Indians have a dark or light brown skin tone. This is the typical skin tone across a majority of the states in all regions be it Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan, Gujarat, Maharastra, West Bengal, Bihar, Uttar Pradesh, Karnataka or Andhra Pradesh. The tone gets lighter up north in Punjab, Jammu and Kashmir, Himachal Pradesh and Uttarakhand and darker in Tamil Nadu and Kerala. In fact, a good percentage of people in Eastern Uttar Pradesh and Bihar are dark-skinned. It is therefore ironical and comical to find people from these states refer to the skin tone of South-Indians in a pejorative way. But the stereotypes run so deep that people from the North find it difficult to accept the fact that Indian women who have bagged the Miss World or Miss Universe titles like Aiswariya Rai and Sushmita Sen do not come from "white" northern stock. Though the Rais are from Karnataka, many in the North would like to believe that Aiswarya is a Bhoomihar from Uttar Pradesh !

Hindi television has carried this trend forward. The Great Indian Comedy Show often jokes about dark-skinned people. This prejudice against dark-skinned people then gets extended to other things which constitute the ingredients of culture. You first laugh at "Madrasis" because they are dark and then make a joke of other things associated with these "dark" people – their language, their dress and their food habits. Once the "madrasis" becomes the butt end of your jokes, you begin talking down to them. This is what racism is all about and for centuries the Caucasians believed that while everything about them was perfect, the black, brown and yellow races were imperfect. This attitude led to colonization and apartheid. It was only in the latter part of the twentieth century that the White Man recognized the need to stamp out racism and other such prejudices and to bring in political correctness in public discourse.

When will this process begin here? Such is the power of these prejudices that it impacts the work of even established film stars like Shahrukh Khan, who is now anchoring Kaun Banega Crorepati. I was distressed to find Shahrukh joke about the name of a contestant from Andhra Pradesh – Dr.Ramakrishna Guggila - and his companion, Mr.Venkateshwarlu Putta. Shahrukh joked about their names and hinted time and again that their names were unpronounceable. Then, without so much as a by your leave, Shahrukh told Dr.Guggila that he would call him "Guggi" or just "Guggs". As for the contestant's companion, Shahrukh was unaware that Venkateshwarlu was one word. He kept calling him Venkatesh Warlu and eventually, unilaterally decided to rechristen him as "Venky". But the anchor's patronizing attitude truly came out when he mockingly offered a prize to viewers who could say "Venkatesh Warlu Putta" five times without faltering. Shahrukh must learn political correctness quickly. It is foolish to rouse the "atmagouravam" of the Telugu-speaking people. In case Shahrukh does not know, an Andhra with an equally "unpronounceable" name – Potti Sriramulu – set Andhra on fire with his fast unto death to secure a separate Telugu state. Another Andhra with an even more "unpronounceable" name – Nandamuri Taraka Rama Rao – launched the Telugu Desam and ousted the Congress Party from power in that state in 1983. This he did after Rajiv Gandhi, like Shahrukh, behaved inappropriately with a fellow Andhra - Mr.Anjiah - who was then the Chief Minister of the state. Shahrukh's graceless conduct is in utter contrast to the great dignity and poise with which Mr.Amitabh Bachchan anchored this programme earlier. I regard Mr.Bachchan as the most evolved human being because life and professional experiences have purged his mind of prejudices and endowed him with sage like qualities. That is why he made every contestant before him feel like a king. Delhi-bred "King Khan" must shake-off his prejudices if he is to emulate the real King of Indian Cinema.

Finally, a word about matrimonial ads. Every groom wants a "fair" bride and therefore products which promise to lighten the colour of the skin are much in demand across India and bear names which seek to reinforce the view that only those who are "fair" are "lovely". So, let us cut out this hypocrisy vis-à-vis Jade Goody's conduct by initiating measures that will make us a humane and tolerant society. We can make a beginning by stamping out stereotypes in Hindi cinema and television. "

Think about it .. Racism is in every form - language, color, culture, food, art & craft... Are you pro-racist or anti? Its about time we all learn to respect all cultures, dont you think?

Phantoms in the brain.. and outside..

2007-02-03T12:30:00.000+05:30

Footsteps all around.. Children playing at a distance..'Can I have your attention please'.. Voices speaking a familiar language..'Calling Mr. B.K.Mathrey'.. A child's laughter makes you smile.. 'Please meet customer service immediately'.. Conversations with strangers.. A lady calls her child..- 'I will go home with dad, and wont call later to say Goodnight, So I am calling to say Bye. I had a good time with you. Come back home son.. We miss you'..she left a voice mail... A few people sitting alone.. A man wearing a coat, carrying a company laptop.. 'Please board your flight to Ahmadabad immediately'.. A few lonely people.. Shahrukh Khan on NDTV.. BMC Elections update.. A distressed man who is flying in his Graphic Designer to India for a 12 minute job, because no one else in the country will suffice - he carries a high techno laptop..The coffee vending machine calling out to you to have a cup of coffee..'Can I have your attention please'.. 'Check 1 2 3 4.. No no, its too loud, Awaaz kam kar'.. 'Can I have your attention please..'.. 'Calling Mr. B.K.Mathrey'..'Passengers travelling to Ahmadabad, your attention please - the flight is delayed due to heaving incoming air traffic'..A funky teenager listening to music.. Groups of friends traveling for the first time by air - they are giggling..'Can I have your attention please'.. 3 friends very passionately involved in a discussion about their company.. 'Calling boarding for flight 466 to Chennai'.. the 3 friends are talking about the company I work for.. my ears are fine tuned to hear their frustrations - 2 from HR, and 1 is a trainer in the company.. 2 friends waiting for another friend to come, so they can board the flight.. Frantic calls to the friend.. 'Have a nice flight ma'am'.. An old lady alights the bus with help from an elderly gentleman.. Everybody is lost in their own thoughts.. Nobody has a minute for the person standing next to them.. Some are frustrated.. Many are happy.. The food hasn't been loaded on the flight yet, the steward pleads with the authorities to make it fast, 'Passengers are waiting to alight'.. 'Ma'am, would you like a cold towel to wipe your face'?..The man on my left is strapped up and snoring.. The man on my right is in awe.. I take out my book to read.. 'Ma'am. would you like some orange juice'.. 'This is your captain speaking.. Welcome on Flight 466 to Chennai.. Regret the delay in the flight.. We are expecting turbulent weather'....'Request you to remain strapped up and refrain from using the loo'... 'I want fruits'.. 'I want a blanket'..'Get me some water, have some mercy man!'.. Nonstop service through the flight..Phantoms in the brain.. Phantoms outside.. Song playing in my head - 'I walk alone... My shadow's the only one that walks beside me... Boulevard of Broken Dreams...' The journey ends, but the thoughts remain & the lives go on..

Looking ahead..

2007-01-18T15:58:00.000+05:30

From the time I was born, till date, I have been hearing:

What is it you are passionate about?
What do you love to do day-in and out?
What will make you sit up and look?
What wil make life seem like a fast paced book?
What do you 'really' want to do?
In life, where do you want to go?

Now, when I look ahead I wonder:

What lies ahead?
Will i find my passion?
What will I achieve?
What will remain undone?
Will I travel the road less travelled?

All I have right now, is an uncertain mind.. uncertain future.. uncertain life..

I have hope in what Bernard Shaw says: Looking ahead is a "Romantic possibility of an unknown future"..

The Explorer’s Addiction

2006-12-28T17:31:00.000+05:30

AAH! Addiction to Explore!! Addiction to Travel! Addiction to see new places.. an addiction I cant seem to get out of!

An ideal job for many of us : – traveling the world, understanding and adapting to new cultures, relishing different food pallets, meeting new people, reading or/and writing about your explorations and getting paid for it!!! :-)

Its absolutely the worst kinda feeling to go on an awesome trip, only to go back to work the next day. No matter how good and interesting the job profile, reality is a shock!

Looking back at ’06, I have had so many trips, and I am thankful for such a wonderful year.. I’ve covered – Trivandrum, Bekal, Cochin, Ponmudi, Munnar, Pondicherry (Auroville), another trip to Kolkata, Korigad (in Lonavla – had gone for a trek), Mahabaleshwar– and I have a feeling I am forgetting some place I have covered.. Oh! How can I forget? Pune & Mumbai.. J (& I got to talk to Big B!!)

’06 has been a lovely year filled with a lot of ‘ups’ and hardly any ‘lows’.. Thanks to my family & all my friends who have been a part of ’06..

Good Luck for a brilliant ’07 people.. Hope you get to travel and do all the things you love to do.. Happy New Year!

Die Another Day

2006-12-04T20:06:00.000+05:30

Have you had one of those days when you had the best time ever of your life?
Have you had one of those minutes when you just felt that, "This is it.. this is what we live for"!
Have you had one of those friends with whom you can stand and say, "Where would I be without you?"
Have you had one of those years when everything went right - almost perfect!
Have you had one of those days when you were at your brilliant & hilarious best?

Have you not wished for time to freeze at such instances???
I wished umpteen times for time to freeze during the weekend..

Thanks Piku, R, r, V (primarily), and also M,Ri & Su (secondarily).. Life can only get better with you guys around! For, :0 where life will take us tomorrow, I say, 'Die Another Day'!!

Ayn Rand - excerpt 1

2006-11-23T22:50:00.000+05:30

Why do you think you think?

"Thought is a primitive superstition. Reason is an irrational idea. The childish notion that we are able to think has been mankind's costliest error.

What you think you think is an illusion created by your glands, your emotions and, in the last analysis, by the content of your stomach.

That gray matter you're so proud of is like a mirror in an amusement park which transmits to you nothing but distorted signals from a reality forever beyong your grasp.

The more certain you feel of your rational conclusions, the more certain you are to be wrong. Your brain being an instrument of distortion, the more active the brain the greater the distortion.

The giants of the intellect, whom you admire so much, once taught you that the earth was flat and that the atom was the smallest particle of matter. The entire history of science is a progression of exploded fallacies, not of achievements.

The more we know, the more we learn that we know nothing.

Only the craziest ignoramus can still hold on to the old-fashioned notion that seeing is believing. That which you see is the first thing to disbelieve."

Politics of Desire

2006-11-22T22:46:00.000+05:30

"Acquisitiveness - the wish to possess as much as possible of goods, or the title to goods - is a motive which, I suppose, has its origin in a combination of fear with the desire for necessaries."-Bertrand Russell

The desire to acquire material possessions is in all of us. We want either a car, or a flat, or an investment, and preferably all of it!

We are not greedy! We have a desire! What’s so wrong in desiring? As long as, the means by which we attempt to fulfill our desires is ‘just’.

‘Just’ is a legally defined term, legality comes in with society. Laws are man-made.

So, essentially, what we are saying is that, we can fulfill our desires, as long as the means by which we do so is accepted by society. What is acceptable to one in such a case may not be to another – that’s where the complexity of our cultures comes in. Culture brings in different ideas to a certain point, and different views bring in politics.

Politics can also imply conflicts. Conflicts can be internal or external. Internal conflicts are tougher to manage. External can be categorized, while internal is driven by a set of values.

Values stem desire. Desire is manifested as greed. Greed is Acquisitiveness re-defined.

The politics of desire is a vicious loop.

Size Matters

2006-11-12T12:17:00.000+05:30

It was a saturday evening..We had just finished seeing 'Don' and we had some time before we met another friend for dinner.. My friend Everyman & I were in a mall & I was 'window shopping'.. We went into a opticals store, and I tried on umpteen shades.. nothing seemed good..then, I got a kajal stick & lip gloss.. and then, suddenly, there was an urge to buy some good clothes..

I saw this store that said, "Ladies top -Rs.199" .. Boy! The shopper in me awoke after deep slumber, and in a looot of enthusiasm, I walked in & asked the shop owner to show me some ladies tops..

He looked me up & down once, and said, "Aapki size nahi hai" (we dont have ur size)!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said, "Huh? What?" & then, he repeated so I could hear it loud & clear.. "Aapki size nahi hai"!!!!!!!!!!!

How on earth does this bugger know my size? was question no.1
What a cheap Bas&%@# he must be to 'know' my size by looking at me was thought no.1
How the F*&^% does he know my size? was question & thought no. 2

What If.. I was buying for a friend - as a salesman, he just put me off completely!
What If.. I like tight fitting clothes..
What If.. I plan to lose weight in the near future & wear this string of cloth someday (in private, if it comes to)..

How the F*&% would that Bas@#!* know? Is my question..

I am offended.. I want to get back at that shopkeeper Ass$#@! - how?

2 sins

2006-11-04T10:27:00.000+05:30

The two biggest sins in this world are:

“Unfulfilled Potential”

&

“Avoidable Suffering”

Or, so, I hear…

Your views on it.... ????

(A good read unfulfilled potential is a speech by Steve Jobs titled - "Stay Hungry Stay Foolish" -http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html )

Eventfully Uneventful

2006-09-25T20:34:00.000+05:30

Come the weekend, and I had no plans in mind – surprising? Well, that’s me!

Anyway, so, Saturday was spent in shopping & lunch with one friend, coffee with another, shopping for myself and dinner with Tom Hanks – Philadelphia!

Sunday was a whole new story altogether!! My friend S woke me up at 9.55 A.M – we had decided to watch * & Obelix @ 10.30 A.M. I dint want to miss the usual luxuries of a Sunday morning, so I carry my first cup of tea & newspaper with me and rush to the theater. Both of us reach Fun Republic by 10.25 A.M. – just rushing in to the counter!

Counter Boy (CB) : Good morning Sir, which movie would you like to watch?
S – Ya, Hey.. Good morning – 2 tickets to * & Obelix @ 10.30 please..
CB : Uh.. Sorry Sir – we just cancelled it!
S - You what???
CB - Uh, We cancelled it!!
S - @*%r@# What???? Why?? Don’t you announce that in the papers?
CB – Uh.. Sorry Sir – you are the only one who wants to watch the movie. So, we just cancelled the show!!
S is dumbstruck, and walks away. Enter Aparna G
AG – You cannot do this to me! I come rushing on a Sunday morning with my first cup of tea to enjoy * & Obelix, and you CANCEL it??? You should have cancelled earlier! How can you do it now? Play it for us!! What the !@#W@$
CB – Uh, Sorry Maam. Its already been cancelled
AG- Don’t keep saying that! Its cancelled! Its cancelled! Cant you check and uncancel it now?
CB –Uh ,Sorry Maam.. would you like to watch Pyaar ke side effects
AG- NOOOOO! I dont want to watch Pyar..
CB – Ghosla … @ 12.30
AG – Dude, its 10.30 – give me a show running now!
CB – How about this horror flick?
AG – (in horror) You want me to watch a horror flick on Sunday morning??? What’s wrong with you? You should have cancelled that! I don’t watch horror on anyday, you want me to watch it on Sunday morning when I wanted to watch *……
Play my movie - * & Obelix
CB – Uh, sorry Maam!
Guy standing next to me is giggling – I stare at him, and he is all smiles now!!
I am flustered!

I trot off towards S who is standing far away – embarrassed! I am saying (in an apparently loud voice, which I realized only later) – OK, So, what now?

Imagine the scene – 2 frustrated souls in a movie complex on Sunday morning – 1 with tea and a newspaper in hand, and the other filled with angst! I start drinking my tea and begin to read my newspaper, and feel a bit better about the whole situation..(guess the bitter got the better of me) I offer him some! & then, it strikes us, that we can atleast catch good breakfast somewhere!

So, we are on our way:
AG –OK, Theres Mocha, Taj Lands End, Hyatt..
S – Are you paying?
AG – (sheepish grin) – Ummm, lets go dutch!
S – OK.. So, lets go to crepe world – you get the best pancakes there! Its in Juhu!
AG - OOO, Yummmm! Okie..Lets go!
I called to an auto 2 miles away from us going in the opposite direction to stop and turn around and come & take us to Crepe World – The autoguy just nods, and says No! I am waiting, wondering, “Is he coming or what?” while S is sitting in an auto behind me!!

On our way:
S- Damn it! How can they cancel it?
AG – O well, shit happens! This time around, it was only a movie! Yea! & Turns out, you were the only one in entire Mumbai who wanted to watch the movie!
S – Ok, you want to have a south Indian breakfast at Shiv Sagar?
AG – NOOO! Pancakes!! Crepe world!!
S –OK, Fine!

We reach Crepe world..

AG –OO, what a beautiful place..
We settle down and see the menu
AG – 1 plate of pancakes for 130 Rs? (in shock) – I look at S
S- Ya, what do you expect? I said we could go to Shiv Sagar, but nooo.. You wanted to come here
AG – Look, Pancakes could have been dosas, had I known this was soo expensive!!
S had a Spanish omlette & I had my pancakes! We got watermelon juice (on the house!- it comes complimentary with the breakfast)!! I am flustered!

S – “Have you told anyone we were going to watch this movie? ‘cause, we can just pretend we had planned for breakfast”
AG – Uh..No, I told too many people! You know what, If I call them now, and tell them what happened, they can make fun of me, and then I will be OK. Lemme call someone now
S- (snatches my phone, cancels my call and says ) ARE YOU MAD??

5 minutes later – he is on ISD relating the incident to his friend on the phone!! What the @#$#@$ I am flustered!!

Later in the day, my roomy & I go shopping. At the billing counter, we realize we have overspent – I am still just a bit ahead of what I had budgeted for, but, my roomy had overspent! She suddenly realizes (only at that minute) that I owed her tons of money, and so I could just pay this bill and clear all accounts! I am flustered!! I pay!

We get home by 8 – and the fridge is overdue for a defrosting routine!
AG – We should defrost the fridge
D – O ya, lets do it in the morning. It will only take 15 minutes
AG – 15 minutes? Are you sure? No, I think it takes much longer
D – O, I know.. I have done it at home (unlike me, she has spent a little bit more time in the kitchen, and I give her credit!)
AG – Well, ok..if its only 15 minutes, lets do it now.. or I will do it. Just take all the stuff & switch it off, right?
D –Uh, ya..come, lets get to it
AG –(looking at the fridge )– damn! My curd is gonna go, milk is gonna go waste..bread..o crap! All our stock is gonna go
D- Nah! Don’t worry. ( she is not looking at the fridge)
AG – OK. I have taken it all out. Lets give some to our neighbour to keep in the fridge till tomorrow, cause I think this is going to take some time
D - O, No No ..those guys wont get up in the morning! So, lets just keep it out. We will get milk tomorrow morning! & You can buy curd later!
AG – Well ok. So, here goes nothing. We switch it off
Both of us watch the fridge in awe – (Is it melting? Is that it? But, there is no switch that says, “DEFROST!” Hmmmm.. I hope its okay!!)

15 minutes later:
D – Uh, Looks like this is gonna take some more time..

1 hour later
D- I guess it will be okay by tomorrow morning

The next morning:
I wake up – walk into the kitchen to make my tea, and the whole place is filled with water!

The fridge is now de-frosted! I am flustered!

Space

2006-09-13T23:20:00.000+05:30

All I need is Space..
All I need is Space..
Space is all I need..
(the 'Space' version of - 'All I need is Love')

Space for growth..
Space for my thoughts..
Space to meet new people..
Space to meet my old friends..
Space to be with myself..
Space to be with you..

Space to get my old life back..
Space to live in those days again..
Space to be the 'old me'
Space to be 'just me'..
Space to breathe..
Space to explore..

Space.. Space.. Space..

Connexions

2006-08-18T01:24:00.000+05:30

Con-nex-ions..its such a conny thing at times.. in the sense that - one cant estimate if a new contact is going to be a 'good' or a 'bad' one..ofcourse, 'good' & 'bad' are perceptions, but none the less..

As we live our daily lives, we are constantly in the quest of finding someone new - someone we dont know.. the irony is, when we do find someone new, we try hard to find someone we both know!! Its all about commonality (if there is such a word)..

Connecting people - as Nokia puts it, is integral to a human - rather to society..in a way, it brings us closer to ourselves & helps others too..

At certain points in life, you start looking for people who were a part of your life @ one point, and vanished for various reasons..lets just say, neither of you bothered to keep in touch..and u suddenly have an urge to connect up with the past.. The urge to do this is so high that sometimes, the image we had of the person remains the same -no matter how many years back u knew this person.. a 'good' or a 'bad' image remains..

Connecting up like that can be fun, but, we dont realise that a part of our past is just a part of our past at times..& some relations are possibly best left in the past..

Its a quest or a risk..You decide!

Food for thought..

2006-08-12T00:11:00.000+05:30

"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are." By Milton Berle

I think its a brilliant quote, some people think otherwise... lemme know your view on it!!

The show must go on..

2006-07-12T20:31:00.000+05:30

I've been in Mumbai for about one and a half months now, and each day has been new & different.. I've made so many friends, got a good job profile, got a great place to stay (on the 15th floor overlooking the hills & the ocean)..

To me, Mumbai is (among other views): filled with high energy & a very deep need to make the daily bread - this need is so highly ingrained into every person in Mumbai (whether from Mumbai or outside) and that drives them to get back on track ASAP, no matter what.. "I must earn my daily bread".. "I must survive".. "I must live".. "The show must go on.."

The last 3 weeks in my life - so much has happened, and it still is happening..
-My roomie quit her job (rather she is 'on a break') and went to her hometown - was just getting to know her a lot more when, she decided to leave.. & today, I got a call from another friend, he quit his job yesterday & returned to his hometown today..

-the rains & hype over it - my roomie & I were just as good as stranded without a cooking arrangement or electicity @ home.. we bought the cooking arrangement the next day.. saw a rockslide - we have this huge rock mountain that acts as a pillar to our flat, which started eroding in the rains!!

- a sudden trip to Trivandrum - came to office in the morning at 11am, caught the 2.30 flight out & came back the next day. When I came back, my office PC being formatted - by 'mistake' and I've still not recovered my data!!!..

- my friends/cousins landing up in Mumbai - An,Ru,Nu,Aj & my folks too..

- the riots - the entrance/ exit to my flat was actually locked. Ignorance is bliss I guess - coz, I dont have a TV at home yet, I was so 'pakaued'(bored to death) so, I decided to go catch a movie with friends, and we ended up having a super time @ club IX, which brought together 6 strangers..

- & how can I not mention the blasts?..

All that I can think of now is, "The show must go on.."

Six Degrees

2006-06-19T19:14:00.000+05:30

This is the first time I've been tagged...and what a topic to get tagged on for a first tag - 6 wierd things about you?!?! Shortcomings/wierd stuff..here goes:

1. I cant help staring in disbelief at people who eat a 'dosa' with a fork & knife!
2. I dont have any logical conclusions to my thoughts - its just that - thoughts..
3. I am highly organised for sometime, and highly disorganised for sometime during the year
4. I have a 'time limit' for sleep & food, and if it passes that time, I cant sleep or dont feel hungry - if I stay awake till 3 for e.g., I would rather not sleep if I have a full day ahead, and if I dont get food by 22.30(23.00 max), I dont feel hungry anymore..
5. I can go chatting a dime to a dozen on the phone one minute & be extremely silent when I meet you the next minute..
6. I have friends who are any day more wierd than I am!! :DD

My turn! My turn!! & I refuse to stop at 6!! Muhahahahahahaha!! (Wicked laugh)
I tag:
1. Zoxcleb
2. GS
3. Ajax
4. R (you can leave it as a comment on my post :D)
5. Arunima
6. Anwesha
7. Ishy
8. Unforgiven
9. Drishyanvesh (I know everyman has already tagged u, this is a double tag!! :D)

If you choose to get tagged on this topic, just let me know, so the next time around, I can tag you!!! :D

Ciao people!!

I wanna go here!! Wanna join???

2006-06-12T20:08:00.000+05:30

"Hi.. Please meet Mr/Ms......"

2006-06-05T19:49:00.000+05:30

Introductions are so difficult.. specially about someone you dont know too well to somone you dont know too well..

There was this one time.. It was at Lions club @ Chennai..and you know how hosh-posh these things can get!! There is this man in a coat & suit..a very 'hi-flung' dude...has spared some of his 'very valuable time' to come to the function.. & there was this nervous lady who kept reharsing her line of introduction of Mr. A..The final moment came:Mr. A is on the dias..and she is inviting him to come and talk..and she says, "Please give it up for the ever SMELLING Mr. A" instead of ever SMILING!! O Man!! The giggles throughout his talk!!

& then again, you feel so good, when someone introduces you well..you feel like GOD!!! Some people can say the best things and make you feel so good about yourself!! Another perspective to this - one of the leads of a project in our company was well introduced on stage to a bunch of freshers in our company. After the 10 minute very highly commending introduction, he comes on stage and says:
"Have any of you been to court?" (Dead silence)"Have you heard the sermons being read against someone?" (Dead Silence) My sermon was just read.. now, you are my judges!! (Dead silence throughout his talk..so much that even when he opened the floor for questions, DEAD SILENCE!!!)

Some people have that capability to say the right things at the right time, and others just dont know when to stop!!

I feel like GOD today - I was introduced like one!! WOW!! Sooooo WOW!!! And all I could do was Smile!! :DDD

My friend R..

2006-06-01T19:40:00.001+05:30

To my friend R:

Since I’ve come to Mumbai, my friend R has made me revisit a lot of views I had about myself:

I thought I was a crowd person, but he made me stare at the fact that I am not!
I thought I was talkative, but he makes me wonder if I talk at all!
I thought I was foot-loose, but compared to him, no way!!!
I thought I had figured it all for myself, but, he makes me question it all!
I thought I was a thinker, but he is ‘the thinker’ himself!!

I am at a loss!!!

Mumbaiyya!!

2006-05-19T13:51:00.000+05:30

Ooooo myyyy goooood! (in true friends style)..

The people..

The locals..

The Office..

The work..

The friends..

The life..

Awesome!!!!

Numbers - 1,2,3,4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-02T11:46:00.000+05:30

Unforgiven had blogged on ‘numbers’ sometime back & I did mention to him that they are deluding & evasive and not always correct. While all that is true, when you get the right numbers, it feels AWESOME!!

I’ve always been bad at mathematics, and well, not really worked on improving it much either…so, in school, every time I got one correct answer, I would be like, “Ye Ye Ye” and then try and figure out exactly how I got it :p (Yes, I was THAT bad)…I go absolutely nuts when it comes to things as numbers…

I’ve mentioned before that I am in the teaching profession, and we are rated by participants on how the course was facilitated and so on. These ratings too have fallacies (I agree) and is on a scale of 4.I’ve always been close, but not there yet..3.99, 3.96, 3.90…DARN!!

Now, that I am leaving Trivandrum, I think it a fitting time to get a rating of 4 (on 4) & for my last batch of participants for my favorite topic at that!! (They are the ones I was discussing ‘xpectations’ with also!!)

Yes, its only been once that I’ve got it, and some people get it all the time, but, hey! This is my moment of glory, and this is what motivates me to teach.. So, Ye! Ye! Ye!!

Xpectations!!!

2006-04-28T09:27:00.000+05:30

All of us have expectations…of the people around us, our environment, our life, our world…and somehow, we are almost always disappointed by what comes our way…

My dad always told me, “You have the right to ask, and let me have the right to say NO”.. So, before I ask something off someone, I would have a mental dialog of what’s coming my way and be prepared for the worst, but, somehow, sometimes I am disappointed by what comes my way..

I am in the teaching profession, and was discussing ‘conflicts’ yesterday, and we were discussing this term – ‘Expectations’!!!

Why do we always expect people to be there for us? Why do we expect that people will oblige? Why do we expect people to be nice to us? Why do we expect people to be happy for us?

Do we go by, “We have the right to expect, and people have the right to let us down!!”

Vishu - Easter Weekend @ Kerala

2006-04-18T11:10:00.000+05:30

Since pictures are worth 1000 words, I'll let them do all the talking about my Vishu-Easter weekend in kerala..It was simply awesome!

At Ponmudi on 14th April '06:

At Jew Street, Cochin on 15th April '06:

At Poovar Island Resort on 16th April '06:

This was just a glimpse of the wonderful weekend I had..and I owe a BIG THANKS to my friends B,A & R for making this such a lovely trip to remember! Thanks!!!!!

Yeh Dosti...

2006-04-13T09:55:00.000+05:30

To you guys/gals,

Who have made talk
Who made me think
Who made me fight
Who made me mingle
Who made me laugh
Who made me…

Who taught me how to have fun
Who taught me how to live a life
Who taught me all about life
Who taught me how to bunk college
Who taught me how to appreciate
Who taught me…

Now,
some of you are getting married..
some have moved outside India to study/ work
some of you have got married and moved on..
some of you are in different parts of India (like me :D )
some of you are still around
some of you have moved on..

none the less, I think we have this special bond that has kept us all in touch and connected to each other – no matter what..

All my friends – this post is a dedicated to you..

(P.S – this is not a farewell speech.. I am not dying.. I was just reminded all too suddenly of how disconnected we become in our own lives, and blogs/posts are wonderful ways of keeping in touch!)

Ms. Gadget

2006-04-03T01:15:00.000+05:30

Nobody has ever called me the 'Gadget lady' so far, but, I have this thing for gadgets.. I like to be updated on the latest technology..

A few criteria for picking up gadgets for me would be:
1. UTILITY
2. Price
3. Do I NEED it?
4. Pros & Cons
5. Stylish (look wise)

I can say very confidently that this 'gadget updation need' runs in the family..my younger brother actually got himself a free digicam with this knowledge!!!

Whether its buying a mobile phone or a camera or a dvd player or a bike, whatever I am buying... I like to do a lot of research into it and figure out who can give me the best deal, I feel 'cheated' and 'deceieved' otherwise..

Technology really is quite amazing...at one level, the customer is 'tempted' to buy what he/she actually doesnt require..for eg. I was looking for an ipod. Now, the purpose of an ipod is to play songs (same as an mp3 player, only that this has more 'clarity' and comes in bigger memory bits). I took my younger brothers opinion and he said I should buy one with a MP4!! Now, why would you want videos on something thats designed to play songs?

If you think about it, the more the 'additional' facilities, the more it becomes unrealiable.. Cameras with mobile phones are definitely good (for their own reasons), but essentially the purpose of having a phone is to call, talk and hang up!!! Dont you think so?

Imagine if you have just 1 mobile which can play songs(in mp3 and video version), has an inbuilt camera, smooth keypad, gprs(of course!!), a voice recorder (what else), would you want to buy it? I mean, what if it conks????????? You've lost everything! You've lost your music, photos, email, downloads, everything...

When you have the option of having different gadgets with different utilities, then, why buy an all in one?? Dont you see that its another way to get more dough out of you???

P.S. - I am 'normal' again, back to writing, have moved on from poetry for the time being atleast... :D

I can! I will! I have!

2006-03-27T14:28:00.000+05:30

I have an urge –
To face all my challenges
To fight all my battles
To cross all my obstacles

I have the need –
To overcome my shortcomings
To fulfill my desires
To come out victorious

I have the determination –
To face anyone
To say the truth
To strive for the best

I will overcome this..
Its all in my hands now..
I can! I will! I have!

Its your life!!!!

2006-03-22T16:54:00.000+05:30

You can be lost in a crowd
And be happy when alone..

You could long for someone who is not around
And wish that atleast one person knows you by name..

You could wish for a vacation at work
And wish for work during the vacation..

You could be independent in your work
And wish to be included in other's plans..

You could wish for what is not there
And wish to be happy with what is..

You could wish to see the future
And wish to change the past..

You could… its always a choice
But you seldom realize it

The REAL celebrations of Life...

2006-03-18T15:31:00.000+05:30

A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Four glasses of chai.

Hundred bucks of gas.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.

Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.

3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.

Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.

You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.

You can spend
hundreds on birthdays,
thousands on festivals,
lakhs on weddings,
but to celebrate
all you have to spend is your Time.

Wed-Lock

2006-03-14T09:52:00.000+05:30

Everyone I know is getting married...

My friend from school, my colleague at office, all my college friends (4), my friends friends (2)..everyone is getting married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, it doesn’t bother me or worry me one bit that I am not married..like all other things in my life, that too will happen in good time (at least my parents hope so!!)..

I have been questioning ‘marriage’ and its ‘sanctity’..yes yes, it’s holy..it’s a law.. its part of life..for many it becomes the sole pursuit in life also..typical hindi movie dialogue – “shaadi karke bacchaa paida karna hain aur phir unke bacchhe..”

I have been oscillating in my beliefs on marriage.. If I do find a ‘good’ guy, it’s a completely different issue.. Don’t think 8 qualities would describe my ‘ideal’ man, but, am looking for : funny, talkative, ‘open –minded’, good looking, gives me my space.. I guess that’s it.. Gosh!!! I cant even come up with 8!!!!!!!!!!! Its quite easy to please me, i guess..

Between you and me.. right now, all I want to do is go to Bombay.. There is great work waiting for me..Mumbai was never on my ‘dream’ list, but all of a sudden, it has become my destination..yes, I know..its crowded, its expensive, its noisy..but, its also where I might find what my heart desires..

P.S - If anyone from my family is reading this – I am serious about Mumbai..and about marriage – well, you know me better!!!!

Happy V day..

2006-02-14T18:29:00.000+05:30

V could be 'Vetti', 'vivacious','Vela' - but, when you see the date and the heading, you can take a wild guess...Valentine!!

I am not a very 'ooooo, valentines coming up and I dont have anyone to spend it with' kinda woman..and neither am i a 'sounds silly to have only 1 day to celebrate luv' kinda woman either...I am somewhere in between...as in, I would most certainly like to have someone to pamper me but I have just not found anyone yet(rather,am not really looking..although my parents certainly are!!!!)

I do believe in celebration..in the sense that there is no point in waiting for a day to celebrate, but, I dont mind the extra shower of love on one day either..ya, am a bit slefish, aint i ? :D

So, this valentine, since I dint have anyone to shower love upon me, I did the honors myself...I bought myself a whole lot of things..bags,clothes,jewellery...It was all for the love of me!!

I had a full day - busy from 9 - 6...have an extra session, and am at office until 8 this evening..

Happy V day!!

Blank Blank..

2006-02-03T18:27:00.000+05:30

Been intending to blog for a long while, but, my head goes blank..what do I blog about? Blank Blank..

Been looking around for inspiration..maybe there is something happening around me with people or places that I can blog about..rather I am sure there are many things and people around me, but when I sit to blog, my mind goes Blank Blank..

The Bryan Adams concert is on in Bangalore..the last time he came, I got tickets, everyting was finalised 2 months prior to his trip, and with just 1 month more to go,my 2nd year final exams were announced..yes, yes..anyone in their right mind would have bunked the exam, but, I never claimed to have a right mind...History repeats itself..Bryan Adams is coming again..and anyone in their right mind would want to go, but, here I am totally disinterested...am just Blank Blank..

You might wonder,"If she is Blank, how can she write so much?" Well, if you look at what I have written, you would realise I am just Blank Blank..

I thought maybe its like a writers block...but, uh - I dont think so..then, maybe its a creative block?...but, uh - I dont think so...and then again, what could it be? Blank Blank..

(The irony of this blog is, I spoke to a friend recently who suddenly burst out saying, "You have a life!!!" and I was left Blank Blank..)

New Year

2006-01-05T13:30:00.000+05:30

Come Mid Dec, and we sart planning for New Years eve - what to do? where to go? how to go? How much would it cost? Can I make it? Whom to go with?! Once these decisions are made, the next series - new year resolutions - should i make one? should i have a standby resolution? anyway I dont follow them, then, whats the freaking point in wondering abt it?

Amidst all of the above, we bring in the new year with a lot of hope for happiness, success, uncertainity and yearn for something better all the time..

I brought in the new year with a holiday...I was skeptical about the plan right from the beginning -but my dear friends booked my tickets and made my travel plans anyway..I am glad that I have such good friends!!!

We went to North Kerala - claim to fame for Bekal is the sad song in the movie Bombay was shot there...it is a wonderul site..its this huge fort covered 3/4ths by water (I simply love the ocean!!)We spent a better part of our day there..watched the last sunset of 2005 in absolute quiet..and then got back to our hotel for an evil evening(dont let imagination get the better of you..)..The 5 of us sitting there playing cards and counting down for 12 - it was a funny sight - none of our watches were synchronised - so, we shout out aloud 'Happy New Year' 5 times!! and then the networks were jammed - but,family got through!! (Thats the best, aint it?)

Anyway, New Years day 1 - we went on a backwater ride in a fisherman's boat - the 2 hour ride was the most blissfull ride ever!!! Postcard scenes all around - just us and the lovely backwaters...I must say at this point that Everyman is the most brilliant company (the others were good company too, but they would agree with this statement)'coz he was our jukebox - he just kept singing..he had a bad throat but he just cdnt stop himself i guess..and he sang very apt numbers..the 3 guys were busy with their cameras and we 2 dudettes were busy with bliss!! There was one point when the backwaters met the ocean and we landed on this beach - white sand, pure water,quiet..and we were wondering, who needs Mauritius/Seyshells when Kerala is there..What more can I say, but that it was an experience of a lifetime...

New Years day 2 - was in Blore - my hometown..it was like a homecoming for me...my folks drove down from chennai just to pick me up..and my cousins/relatives spent all their waking time pampering me with home food..

New Years Day 3 - Day 9 - Am at home!!!

I couldnt have asked for a better start for this new year..I really hope all goes well..

And my friends - u guys r the best! We did miss R very much!! Heres wishing that everyone has a very content and soul satisfying new year! Happy 2006!!!

Cheers

Truly Mobile

2005-12-22T18:55:00.000+05:30

I have heard of mobile homes(trailor vans), mobile phones, mobile eateries, mobile telephone booths too offlate, but, mobile employees????

When I was asked during my interview, "Are you mobile?" - like anyone else in the company, I dint think for a minute what that meant and said ,"Oh! Ya Ya" - in my true fashion of replying..Since then, I have moved to Trivadrum, Kolkata, Bhubaneswar(on a vacation) and now Coimbatore!!! Who had ever imagined???????? I am here only for 2-3 days, but the fact that work brought me here still goes completely by me..

I had messaged my new no to my elder brother and he replies,"You change mobile numbers like people change clothes?" I do have a reputation of changing numbers for various reasons, but can I help it if "I am truly mobile"..

The trade off i guess is - You get to meet a lot of people(whom you dont remember after a while), you get to 'teach' concepts(which they dont remember after a while), you get to see places(which becomes a "I've been there - me dont have a camera, so, cant 'store any memories and it becomes a haze after a while), I get to travel quite a lot(which becomes tiring after a while)...and you remain truly mobile after a while...

In the name of earning a living

2005-11-18T18:38:00.000+05:30

I take the metro to office as much as I can..but, there are days when laziness gets the better of me, and I take the taxi(which is very often these days :D)..

This mornings ride in the cab made me wonder about a lot of things..yes, today was one of those days - the weather was chilled, the people on the road were smiling at each other, all the signals were green - smooooth sailing...it is such a taxi ride that made me look and observe keenly the happenings around me..

All of us like to do work that we like or are passionate about...we need a drive in life..some are lucky to find such jobs..many just go about trying to find THE job - might end up spending their whole life on it, but they try anyway..there are some others who dont like what they do - they do it to earn a living anyway..

& then there are some who do the job many of us find disgusting - to whom I dedicate this blog!!

The Gutter cleaners - these guys actually clean the gutters on the road - Its disgsting for me to even imagine doing such a thing - heck! i fuss around to clean the dining table at home! Yes, they wear long boots & all - they get paid pittens for this..but, somebody's gotta do it..

The Garbage Truck driver & team - a team of 4-5 people who go to the dumpyard and actually scrape the garbage off..in Kolkata especially, there is this dumpyard on camac street - every day it gets filled with goo of all sorts - I mean, the pile seems bigger with each passing day. There are many like me who stop breathing to not let the dirty smell get into our system - and these guys waddle in it..they get pittens for this..but, somebody's gotta do it..

The Sweepers - in Chennai, if you go out early in the morning(around 5.30 - 6.a.m - what was I doing awake at that unearthly hour you may ask.. uh uh .. I was getting to know my city better :p ), you would find ladies sweeping the road - specially near L.B. Road & Mount road..every morning, they get up earlier than us to clean the streets we hardly try to keep clean..they get pittens for this..but, somebody's gotta do it..

Kudos to those guys who do the dirty jobs so we can stay happy, healthy & hygenic..

ID Retreat

2005-11-07T18:07:00.000+05:30

We had 3 days coming up - Friday, Saturday & Sunday - it was a long weekend for ID..My immediate thought was to plan for Bhubaneshwar(bbr), where my friends from Trivandrum are put up...but, I remembered many unsuccessful plans that I had made like this earlier - it was unsuccessful 'coz I dint get the tickets..

So, I checked with my friend - but, she had to make family calls..I tried for a trip to Darjeling & Gangtok, but, they were working out to be way too expensive for 1.5 days..so, my last shot was a try at the booking counter for a ticket to bbr, and voila! I got tickets! Reserved tickets by train - scheduled to leave on Friday afternoon and return on Sunday evening. I called on my friends immediately, and they said they would come to pick me up..That was the beginning of my retreat - an unexpected & exciting start..

I have travelled alone before - travelled to Delhi in unreserved compartment (yup! all the way - enroute to a trek to the snow filled mountains with YHAI), 'i've travelled to blore alone...heck! I came here alone! But, this trip was different! somehow, very different in my head! After all those trips, I returned home, but, this time I would return to my temporary home - paying guest home...My folks paid for those trips, I paid for this one...I knew my plan earlier- it was organised or I would hang out with my cousins or some such, but, this time I was to spend 1.5 days with people I barely knew (I knew one lady D, from Trivandrum..one lady R, had come here to help me out..and the other was my namesake whom I had not met, only heard about!..so, they were more or less strangers to me although they knew each other well!) So, you see, this started out to be a trip of its kind..

I was elated to see my friend D...we went to dine at a good restraunt called Mayfair..I gorged on Masala Dosa...yummm!! She stays at the company quarters - plush apartment -she pays the rent, but, its really a nice place with a small tv & people around..so, we sat & yapped until 12.p.m...I got to know the other 2 a little bit..

The plan was to leave for konark at 8.a.m & after that stay at Puri overnight...

Enroute Konark- we stopped at this 'peace' monumnet built by Ashoka's children - I belive after the Kalinga war, he drove upto the point and realised the devastation he had caused..the sight before him made him change his mind to become a buddhist..I would probably change my mind (if i had one.. :D)too..

Komark is an interesting temple - the sun is worshipped there...what makes it intresting are the carvings on stone & the temple is built like a chariot...it has some obscene scupltures (as do almost all old monuments) but, it was interesting..I had a guide in my namesake..she told me the story behind every wheel and well, we had a good time..

Destination Puri - we had reserved a room at the Hotel Holiday Resort - its a sea facing resort with Sauna, Jacuzzi, et all...it was the best part of our trip! We reached by noon...had lunch & slept for a bit..headed to the famous Jagannath temple in the evening - which was over crowded. I belive the day we went was also the day when 'eligible girls & boys' pray for their marriage to happen soon...me, I prayed for world peace - truly! Lets not get into my thoughts on all these things now, I will blog on that later :p

On returning, we got some french fries..and then, headed to the beach..we just sat there...4 of us...we spoke when we wanted to..otherwise, remained silent..we spoke whatever we wanted to..everything but, work (that was the rule!)..then, we moved to the huge lawn in the resort..got back to the room in time for dinner and pigged to our hearts content..

We drove back the next morning..I had just enough time to see the huge office they work out of..it was nice to see my friend D - she was really proud to be part of the center, and I was happy for her....we rushed to catch my noon train back to where I belong (for the next 1.5 months or so atleast.. :D)

The train journey back was a nightmare during the day..When I saw Swades - the scene when Shahrukh goes to a village in a train full with people, I dint quite belive things are that bad...I saw during my journey back that it is not that bad, its actually worse!! The previous train was cancelled, so, the train was filled with people who had bookings on the previous train too. For sometime, it was very difficult with people falling all over you.. there were people in the passageways, inbetween the berths, everywhere...but, after a while, everybody adjusted...it was an interesting note in human behavior - the adults cribbed while the children were quite..the adults shouted & cried while the children smiled & stood whereever told to..after a while though, everyone settled down...all said and done, I dont think I would like to travel in that train again...

I hope to leave this place in 1.5 months, and intend to make the most of my trip while I'm here...afterall, who knows when I'll come back, if at all..thats what life is all about isnt it? Like my colleague at work says,

"JIYO MERI JAAN...JEE BHAR KE JIYO!!!!"

Tracey Whitney

2005-10-26T12:13:00.000+05:30

Tracey Whitney is the most brilliant character I've come across...ever! She was etched out to be a "hottie" with brains...the way she led her life, my o my!!

After I read about her, I tried my hand into 'con'ning as well...obviously, I dint succeed..I wouldnt be here blogging if i did.. :D

What impresses me about a Tracey Whitney is that she 'con'ned everyone in her life..and in retrospect it was all common sense (which is apparently not so common) but most importantly, that she never con'ned me...atleast, to date..

Tracey Whitney was the central character of "If Tomorrow Comes" by Sidney Sheldon..she was sent to jail for no fault of hers..she escapes and then, the world was on its toes...

Applying this in reality..

By default, I trust everyone in my life..would trust them with most things at least..once the trust is broken, so is the relationship...and well, lets not get into that nasty world now..

I came in acquaintance with a very helpful person in Kolkata..maybe, a bit too helpful to be true..he was helping me & a colleague with work..neither of us could understand why he was being soo helpful..what mattered to us at the end of the day, was the work got done..alls well that ends well...our work got done,and we moved on with our lives...last monday, i chanced upon him, and he had said that he quit his earlier job 'coz he was going to set up something on his own and start afresh..I was happy for him - afterall, what gives one more satisfaction than doing what you want to do..A few days later, we (my colleague & me) got a call from his previous employer..they informed us, that before he quit, he had swindled upto 1 lakh from them using our company's name...and only both of us represent the company to his employer..it was a rude shock...but, it all made sense suddenly..the way he spoke, the way he dealt with work, the way he managed relationships, everything made sense...we asked the employers why they dint check with us before giving him this "commission"..me and my colleague cannot be affected by the swindle he is into legally, but, knowing him so well and then to hear such a news can be quite a shock..

but, well, i guess, thats what trust does to you...it can make you blind to the truth..it can make you blind to the Tracey Whitneys..

Khaamosh!!!

2005-10-21T10:39:00.000+05:30

silence is good and bad...in tamil, there is a saying - mounam sammadham- meaning silence means agreement..

Like a smile can lead to many emotions, Silence too has many connotations,..it signifies anger, frustration, happiness, agreement, approval, resentment, rebellious,"require time",thinking..gosh! i could go on..

When there is an extended silence, we have the ability to predict in most situations what emotions the silence can convey..like for eg. if you and a friend have had a fight, then by not speaking with your friend for a week, one could assume the friend is angry and work towards pacifying him/her..

When you mail your boss regarding your plan for leave or plan on how the sanctioned amount should be spent, and he/she does not reply, you can assume that the plan is approved..otherwise, you would get a call or a reply immediately :D

When you and your parents/ friends disagree on a certain something/issue, and you just walk out or throw a fit (depending on what kind of a person you are), one can assume you are being a rebel..or maybe you just need to think things over..

When you confess love to a loved one, and it is met with a silent smile, its happiness and agreement..

What about when it is none of the above situations? When you pose a question to someone you dont know very well, and it is met with silence..you get a response on everything but that statement..I for one in such a situation get curious..just to know exactly what he/she is thinking..it could very well be any of the emotions stated above, but, how do you find out when theres silence, silence and more silence..

who am i - on 27th Sep '05

2005-09-28T00:30:00.000+05:30

tick tock..tick tock...time waits for none...Its us, who stop sometimes..we stagnate...!!

It feels so good to look back at life, and see where you have come today..gives you a sense of pride, a sense of freedom and a lot of happiness, because you are living the dream you saw sometime back....what seems like a small dream, becomes the journey of life....lovely song in roja - the tamil film (hindi version also came out)... chinna chinna aasai - bhoomi sutri vara aasai.....(literal translation -I have a small wish - to go arond the world)

We bicker about the smaller beings & crib to friends and whoever will listen about all the things that are wrong and a lot more that are going wrong...bickering is good for the system, because it brings out all the accumulated force & anger..its good, coz, it always brings out the best in you!!!

I am a thinker...one of those who thinks for a hobby...I think about anything..and when I am not thinking, its like my brain is not working, I can only see white light, and that is not nirvana :D The point is, I find myself reflecting on what I heard/saw/thought/planned/hoped/wished and smile..coz, life is good!!

I was in conversation with a friend,'S' on sunday evening...and suddenly realised how much he helped me by making me talk all this while...I realised that earlier on, I used to take 'safe risks', and am not scared anymore..I realised how self involved I was in my world, and that respct & adjusting are the one of the most important ingredients for a relationship..I realised that I was a rebel, and used to shun possibilities before I explored them..I realised I dont have anything or anyone to wait for anymore...I realised a lot more, but I'll keep that just to myself..!

tick tock..as time moves on, so do we..

I can now change my id from apugonnab to apuhasbecome...

Carry On

2005-09-22T12:25:00.000+05:30

Carry on - sometimes, we need just one reason to carry on with the way things are....i was going through one of those days, when my cousin sent me this, and gave me many things to look forward to..

It's Easy To Fight When Everything's Right,
And You're Mad With The Thrill And The Glory;
It's Easy To Cheer When Victory's Near,
And Wallow In Fields That Are Gory.
It's A Different Song When Everything's Wrong.
When You're Feeling Infernally Mortal;
When It's Ten Against One, And Hope There Is None,
Buck Up, Little Soldier, And Chortle:

Carry On! Carry On!
There Isn't Much Punch In Your Blow.
You're Glaring And Staring And Hitting Out Blind;
You're Muddy And Bloody, But Never Mind.
Carry On! Carry On!
You Haven't The Ghost Of A Show.
It's Looking Like Death, But While You've A Breath,
Carry On, My Son! Carry On!

And So In The Strife Of The Battle Of Life
It's Easy To Fight When You're Winning;
It's Easy To Slave, And Starve And Be Brave,
When The Dawn Of Success Is Beginning.
But The Man Who Can Meet Despair And Defeat
With A Cheer, There's A Man Of God's Choosing;
The Man Who Can Fight To Heaven's Own Height
Is The Man Who Can Fight When He's Losing.

Carry On! Carry On!
Things Never Were Looming So Black.
But Show That You Haven't A Cowardly Streak,
And Though You're Unlucky You Never Are Weak.
Carry On! Carry On!
Brace Up For Another Attack.
It's Looking Like Hell, But - You Never Can Tell;
Carry On, Old Man! Carry On!

There Are Some Who Drift Out In The Deserts Of Doubt,
And Some Who In Brutishness Wallow;
There Are Others, I Know, Who In Piety Go
Because Of A Heaven To Follow.
But To Labor With Zest, And To Give Of Your Best,
For The Sweetness And Joy Of The Giving;
To Help Folks Along With A Hand And A Song;
Why, There's The Real Sunshine Of Living.

Carry On! Carry On!
Fight The Good Fight And True;
Believe In You Mission, Greet Life With A Cheer;
There's Big Work To Do, And That's Why You Are Here.
Carry On! Carry On!
Let The World Be The Better For You;
And At Last When You Die, Let This Be Your Cry:
Carry On, My Soul! Carry On!

Music & how it heals...o boy!!!

2005-09-07T16:14:00.000+05:30

Music is a stress buster..O, the way its bursts my stress...

I have a song for almost every occassion...everytime I am down and out, I have a song in my head that can help me out like nothing else can...and the song just pops in my head...and its so appropriate..

When I was in school, I had a royal pain for a teacher..she always put me down in front of my classmates....and out pops the song:
Khambe jaise khadi hain..
Ladki hain ya chhadi hain..
440 volt hain..
chuna hain manaa..
(Courtesy - Dil - *ing Aamir Khan & Madhuri Dixit)
as long as I hummed on it, life was great!

Where I last worked, I had a boss,with whom my relations were tarred, and I felt harassed...both of us quit the job eventually, but, while at it, everytime I saw her or heard her name, I would sing in my head:
U r not the boss of me now..
U r not the boss of me now..
& u'r not so biiigg
(Courtesy - Malcolm in the middle)

& When i need to beleive in myself and motivate myself & there is noone to motivate me & I really need to be motivated:
I believe I can fly..
I believe I can touch the sky..
Think about it every night & day..
Spread my wings and fly away...
(The best part of this song is the aaaaaaaaaa that Kelly hits off on....wow!)(Courtesy - R.Kelly)

At office, I just hum...and I am amazed at how it spreads to everyone else...the mood really does change...

Moral of the blog - when you r stressed, happy, angry, sad, need to be motivated - SING..

and it doesnt matter how bad your voice is..the song always sounds good...

9-5 jobs

2005-08-30T18:46:00.000+05:30

Try as i may, but, since I've started working, I am unable to get up early in the morning...early refers to 6.a.m..I always fool myself into thinking, " I will get up tomorrow and go jogging. I need exercise"...but, as usual, comes next day, and I promise myself, " Tomorrow..I will"....this goes on for some time...when my head convinces the body, I cant go against the laws of nature, I eat lesser, hoping & thinking, " I should go on a low carb diet or maybe no fried stuff..." Unable to decide which of the two diets I should go on, my head fights with my heart and stomach - as always, the stomach wins..the fried stuff goes down my throat - finger chips/pakoda/bajji...yummmmmm...

Come to office...and I always tell myself, " These are the things I need to get done today..Monday reports; Tuesday, Wednesday,Thursday & Friday are spent in preparing for Monday's report... :D Basically, thats all I do..good life eh?! and I dont need a checklist for this..it just gets done, one way or the other...at worst, at the nth miute on Monday afternoon, I am cramming to send the report in by 3.p.m. - thats the deadline..

Being away from my hometown, I dont know many people here...and during weekdays, there arent many things one can do outside office everyday..so, I rather stay here...that way, I can blog, chat and do so many other things in the name of work...* he he ...victory laugh..muhahahahaha *

Ever since the concept of working entered my head (when I was in 8th standard maybe -all of 13) , I never wanted to get into a regular 9-5 jobs..ofcourse, back then, I would picture office to be like a government office with loads of paper work and oldies all around...Back to reality - comes my time to work, and here I am..into a 9-5 job...I actually like this lifestyle, coz, not only do I get paid for doing nothing much, but, I get time to do productive work like blogging...
* he he..victory laugh..muhahhahaha *

By the time I return home, the travel exhausts me so much ( coz, thats about the only exercise I get while walking to the metro station) , people at home think I have slogged all day, and go nuts pampering me..
* he he..victory laugh...muhahahahah *

Life is good...9-5 jobs rule...well, atleast as long as I do as much work as I do...& like I always sign off, "Gotta go dude..lotsa work pending..."
* he he...victory laugh...muhahahhhahahah *

Men vs Women

2005-08-20T10:28:00.000+05:30

This is not my take off on trying to explain why men and women behave they do…many a book has been written on this…one such wonderful book is called, “What your mother dint tell you and your father dint know”..Many more have come into the market quite recently, and I am not writing here to sell any of the concepts to you..

Time and again, its been written about how Men cannot understand Women…I think it’s a 2 way street…It goes beyond Women to understand Men too..

My mother always told me, “ Don’t try to understand a man…until you marry him”..with each passing day, I find that statement so easy to follow..so much energy and time is saved..the underlying statement here is, ‘Get to know one guy in a lifetime, and that’s a great deal in itself”…

what with the concept of a ‘metro sexual’ man coming into the picture recently…nobody knows who such a man is… I wonder if a metro sexual knows that he is one..

I would think the crux of the matter, as always, comes to relationships…women invest a lot of time, energy, hope into all the relationships she has…each person in her life is important, and she attempts to give it her all to try and understand him/her..By this, I don’t mean to say that men don’t respect relationships…but, I think, most times, there is a reason behind getting to know the person or a reason to stay in touch…reason could be anything – common interests, importance, attraction…women don’t always have a reason, and that’s where the difference lies…does that make any sense to you??

10101010

2005-08-18T18:36:00.000+05:30

throughout life, we spread the message to everyone about our identity...we try to establish ourselves..build our image in society..keep up to expectations..raise our self-esteem..
all for what? and whom??

if you look at yourself from a 'holistic' perspective..from a worldly view...you are an organism..

I havent had a fondness for numbers, since I've known their existence..but, everywhere you go, your name is a secondary identity, the first is your number:

Population count - you are the one millioneth ( for e.g.)
You live in - plot no. 24
you live on - 5th main road
in your organisation - you are your employee number - 140506 - you have a no for Provident Fund,Gratuity, superannuation no..
for the govt you are - PAN card no
for your friends you are - your mobile no / landline
for your family you are - (apart from most of the above) your birthdate
for the theater owner - you are the 1000th who gave him business that day
for the shop owner - you are the first customer
for the nationalised banks - you are your atm no, your pin no, your tin no..

get the message, i hope..

after all this, you hear...your number is unique to you?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

& we spend all our lives telling people our names, all about our profession, all about ourselves!!

Wake Up!!! The Matrix has engulfed you & me...

Starting afresh

2005-08-16T16:48:00.000+05:30

I have always wanted to start afresh...anew..dont know the place or the people...just explore...My wish was granted, time and again..

Going to trivandrum was a fresh start..a new company..a new place ( quite conservative at that)..new people..new job profile..it dint take me long, cause I clicked with one girl, who helped me around..Things were smooth..

I started afresh again 6 months later when I came to Kolkata..far away from home..one city i never imagined visiting, leave alone working..new place..I had the company guest house to stay at for 2 months, so, it was ok..I got a royal treatment, in fact..New people at office...new city..new locality..new job profile..new life..

I started afresh again on Independence day..I moved out of the company quarters into a paying guest home..I actually moved in with a family..New people..new locality..I had gotten comfortable with the enviornment, had set into a 'comfort zone'..& had to move to 'stretch zone' again..While I was packing my stuff, I found it odd..somehow, I thought I would miss the place, and regretted wanting to stay back in Kolkata for a minute second..

I start afresh with new people at work every 2 months..

I have realised..its taken me lesser time each time to start afresh..to start anew...I love the experience & am beginning to reconsider my long term plans....my dreams, ideas, hopes can all be relooked at by assuring my near and dear ones about my comfort in the stretch zone!!!!

Main shaayar tho nahin..

2005-07-27T07:40:00.000+05:30

Main shaayar tho nahin, magar ae hasin...jabse dekha hai tujhko mukhjo shaayari aa gayi..

For those of you who understand this, No! I did not find anyone yet..It was just a song that seemed to fit the blog..For those of you who dont understand, well, shaayari means 'poem' in hindi, and its about a non-poet who became a poet coz he saw a pretty woman!?!?@?!?

Shaayari hasnt realy been my cup of tea..I never understood them..but, my dad always wrote shayaris out of the blue..in the air..he was good! he still is!

A shaayari is best told out..since in this case, it is not possible for me to be physically present when you read the blog..read the first line twice, and then the 2nd line..

Channel V played some real good ones...one of my all time favourites, and am sure yours too is/was:

Agar tum rupa ki baniyan pehnoge
Agar tum rupa ki baniyan pehnoge
To, Rupa kya pehnegi???

Taking sessions/classes..whatever you want to call it..It is difficult to keep anyone's attention..the minute you start talking their minds start wandering..It was one of those times, that a shaayri just popped into my head:

Duur se dekha to laga ki discussion ke liye points likh rahi hain..
Duur se dekha to laga ki discussion ke liye points likh rahi hain..
Paas jaake dekha to Attendance Sheet Nikla!!!

One that my friend told me:

Khud ko kar buland itna ki himalay ke chhoti par pahunche,
Khud ko kar buland itna ki himalay ke chhoti par pahunche,
aur khuda tumse pucche, "Abe Gadhe, Waapas Kaise Uthrega??"

and one that fits me rite now:

Ek Sher sunata hu bade dhyan se suno
Ek Sher sunata hu bade dhyan se suno
Mujhe Sher nahi aata kisi aur se suno

Checklists ..... !

2005-07-23T07:50:00.000+05:30

I am one of those people, rather I used to be one of those people, actually I am not quite sure if I am one of those people..ummmm! well, okie..At work, I am one of those people who makes checklists! Okie! Fine! So, i accept!!! I do make a checklist & tick it off! Most often I write it down on one those little notepads we get at the store, but, at other times I make a mental checklist (which I dont really remember :D )

Just coz i make a checklist, you should not jump to the conclusion that I follow it..making a checklist is ofcourse very simple, following it and ticking off whats done and whats not might take the rest of my life, but thats okie, really...!

Checklists come in varieties..checklist for a list of items to carry when going somewhere, checklist on things to do, checklist while taking orders at the restraunt, checklist when you are about to venture on a stringent shopping trip ( with an almost empty bank account, checklist would be - WINDOW Shopping!!!!!!! :D ) and i dunno..one could be inventive & innovative in making checklists..

I am those who can start a journey today without a destination and come back safe as well...I can swim in the ocean, I can take it as it comes...I dont need a plan per say...but, i do need a checklist of places I should visit while I am there or u know..places I should not miss...or checklist of the routes or ways of reaching the place...( I must remind you of the character in Dil Chahta Hain ( for those of you who have seen it) who says 5.01 - time to buy a balloon for my sweetheart or 9.26 pm - time to go to the loo or 5.31 - yoga!!!)....all i can say to you is.......
nnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not THAT crazy!

So, ya, I did make a checklist this morning on my things to do:
1. Compile report to be sent next week(which I will work on tomorrow evening, coz I havent done it so far!!)
2. Weekend plans to be decided(I always make a plan...u know, just in case someone I dont like calls me to go out with them...must be prepared with excuses,after all!)
3. Check out houses to shift by next month (which I've been planning for a week now btw)
4.Check bank account balance (very important!!)
5. Call people I havent called in a while ( big time pending...and a big time list :D )
6. Send my friends resume to another friend, and mail him btw(half way through it!)
7. Blog on checklists (Done!)

I can tick off point no 7 after this blog...rest is still pending!

You see, a checklist is a convinient method of evading all issues that might come up in the future because of 'bad planning'..so, I can show people my checklist, and say, "hey, I did my share! So, there..." A checklist is proof that I dont always intend to procrastinate, but, if it does happen, I cannot be blamed..as you can see, I do have a lot of things to do...and I am busy.... :p

Its the process!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-07-21T07:50:00.000+05:30

The first time i came across Process was in relation to psychology. A Process workshop, as it is known, is a resedential program with strangers or colleagues ( depends on who pays the trainer!!) where you are forced to live in the present constantly and battle with your emotions and those around you! Its tough while you are in the process..sitting outside of the sphere and understanding human emotions is a lot more simple, as I now understand!!

Processes on their own were not brought in to slow down a system or to curb initiatives...A process in fact, if utilized well, helps you to project your ideas & initiatives in the right forum to the right person to make it known to all..Processes are not man-made, they are system driven..in the sense that, the system can twist & turn its policies to fit the system (while it should be the other way around)...Processes make life simple as long as you follow them..Processes are simply ways/ proceedures drawn out to help a layman ( an idiots guide to whatever) get his work done....As I go on, it may seem that I make process sound hierarchial..you see, thats the catch! While it is not meant to be, essentially, unless the person you seek approval from has the authority from his boss to give you the 'OK' it will stop right there..Most often, 'approvals' / 'requests' should be 'approved' by 2 people..I wont go too much into all of that now..it would get too processed..(bad joke, i know..)

I used to look at a process and use it as a means to ward off people..."Its the process you know.." or " I need the approval..without which I cant go ahead with the plan, Sorry!"..It was very convinient, and I dint feel one jot bad or guilt driven by it..Infact, it helped me...

Alls well until you get affected by the same process...No, I dint need no approvals..I had them...No, I had no requests to make...No, I dint need any money...No, I dint need no salary advance...No, I dint want leave...All i asked for, was for the plan that was made to move smoothly..All i asked for was the facilities be provided...All i asked for was not for me, but, 160 other people I take responsibilty for...All I asked for, was nobody's time be wasted...and I became prey to the system..the process..

Dont get me wrong...I am not criticising it...I am actually condemning it...If I had just one mail or just one 'Yes' or just one 'Go', my life would have been a lot more simpler today..so much adrenalin, so much anger, so much frustration, so much anxiety, so many emotions...and I have NOBODY to hold up fot it...Its not that I am looking for a scapegoat ( I do handle myself pretty well, but, in such situations, you normally have someone who screwed it up for you...)

Here, i refer to a system, not just in a company mind you, even the goddamned government..Why cant we just live in a legalised economy where we all use white money instead of black? Why cant we just have quotations on a proper letterhead instead of any white piece of paper (somtimes, when i ask a receipt from an ice-cream man, i feel stupid, and even more so, when he writes on a white ununsed piece of paer, "Ice-Cream - Rs.20". Thank god I guess, he dint add tax to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

O well...What I've gone through today, i hear, many around me have too...my question is, "Why?"

Can you see through me?

2005-07-13T16:08:00.000+05:30

I have always been interested in people's stories...dont get me wrong..My interest is purely around understanding what makes people tick? Why do they react the way they do? Whats going on in their mind? What kind of a person are you?

This made me pursue my other interests like Palmistry, Astrology, Graphology, etc, which have now become a hobby..and a hobby it will remain!

Not satisfied by the answers i got from reading palms, i did a course in psychology..and this was the beginning..I did a course in Counseling & Guidance, and as a part of the course, we studied pscyhology in depth...I simply loved the course, and what it has made me today!

Excited as i was, i spread the word around.. "I can understand you indepth" or " I know what you really mean"...I was just joking around...Little did I know, they took it literally...

From fooling around and cracking up when I was around, I had people looking at me and asking me to tell them what I thought of them ( by just looking at them!?!?!?)...If anyone did not believe what the other was saying, "Ask the psychologist..she'll tell you I am not lying!"..

D-uh? Like how would I know???...It took a lot of time for people to understand what psychology meant..My first reasoning session was to make them understand that, "I was not taught to read into people, instead, was taught how not to read people"..It is a difficult concept to understand, I know...When I was asked, "How do you understand people?", I said, "You dont! What you do however is to try and understand the genuinity".... Blink..blink...Even today, when I tell my participants, they go blink blink..but hey, thats how it works!

You see, psychology psyches people...all of a sudden they feel horrible about lying in front of you, they want to tell you all of their problems, ask you for a solution, ask you for advice, of which i give none...I simply listen..an art we must all learn & master..

I've been able to take a lot out of my course coz i began to listen to my thoughts/feelings/emotions and more importantly to others..Long live psyche!oops, psychology!

Holy Mutt !!!

2005-07-13T05:20:00.000+05:30

I am not a very temples kinda person you know, but, I guess going to new places does to you what it did to me last weekend..ok,by weekend, i mean Sunday..that is the end of the week i get to spend in leisure..

I stay at the company quarters in Kolkata..my caretaker at the quarters deserves a very special mention here..he plays the role of host, cook, laundry man, poker dealer, travel agent, financial analyst, what not..he is a much more local version of Jeeves, goes by the name Tapan!!

He gave us a list of 'must-see' sites at Kolkata..and being a culturally active city, it did have more art galleries to its credit..

I have a roomy at the quarters for 2 weeks, and we set out to conquer the city of joy..I have been around Kolkata, but, not like the way I did last Sunday..

Tapan had given us a detailed analysis of how much our trip should cost, where we could go, how long to spend at each place, the significance behind each spot, et al..We were more than ready by now!

We set out at 6.a.m..(our taxi for the day was already arranged for)..we head off to Belur Mutt, a temple/ ashram dedicated to Sri. Vivekananda. Actually, we chose Belur Mutt as first ( coz Tapan suggested of course & also, we got information from another 'trusted' source that 'aarti' is beautiful at 7.am. at the ashram and is not to be missed)..turned out the 'aarti' was at 4.a.m and at 7.p.m...Not disheartened by our luck, we explored the ashram..It is very quiet..infact, a few elders were meditating..was a very calm spot...Then, we headed to Dakshineshwar, a temple for Kali Ma (Kali is a popular goddess in Bengal)..In comparison, this was noisy, lot of tight security..The noise did not deter us at all, it was actually a few spirited devotees chanting very loudly..It gave me a good feel of the place..I liked it too..We got a sneak preview at the goddess, and were rushed out...We then headed to Kalighat, a most sought after temple for kalima..Its very famous..turns out it was also very dirty & noisy..and here, it was Noise..everyone was shoving everyone around (reminded me of my trip to Sabrimala when i was a kid, before i started questioning 'GOD')..again, we got a sneak preview...To end our spiritual outrage, we went to ISCKON..I expected it to be another huge space ( on the lines of Belur Mutt, like what I had seen in Bangalore)..it was just a big hall and there was one musician chanting mantras, and all others engrossed in his song..he sang really well..

Since we had started off on such a spirited spiritual note, we wanted to continue our day & take it as it comes..

It was 11.30.a.m...so, we went for breakfast @ Haldirams ( a sweet shop very typical of Calcutta) and had dhoklas ( a gujarati sweet), coffee ( my first cup - cappuchino), a cheese sandwhich (yummmmm!!!!), fuchka ( phucka/ pani puri...) & lassi...what a breakfast!!! yummm!!! There on, we had no guidance from Tapan, only guidelines & list of places he had suggested to visit and make the most of...

So, we set shopping until 2..

Then, The Indian Museum...which is really HUGE...we had enough energy to see 3 sections..got to go back sometime and see the rest..

Turns out, it was my friends' b'day on Sunday..so, we had to go to Flury's - the 2 century old pastry shop...the cakes were soo yumm!!specially the rum cake! My all time favourite!!!

Then, shopping again at an air conditioned market called Vardaan...we spent 2 hours there approx...

By the time we got back to the quarters, it was 7...

We had spent 13 hours roaming & galavanting around the city...whew!! I had a jet lag the next morning, but, came to office and zapped everyone with my weekend story!!!

Kal/Cal/Kol...same difference

2005-06-27T15:14:00.000+05:30

It just goes by me when people cannot see the profoundity behind ' same difference'..not that it makes u a lesser mortal if u cant see the profoundity behind it, but, it just goes by me..thats all...o well, bygones!!!!

kolkata is a nice place to be...paint the town red? nah! its already red with either pan ( beeda/ beetel leaves with stuff in it) on the roads/footpath or red flags (from one communist state to another) ...no no..i am not complaining...life is good here..its culture & heritage calls out to me in every building in the city..the cabbies are mostly good chaps who want to make money, and nothing more..it is a safe city to venture out alone...

of all that i have seen off it in 2 weeks is just a peek...a visitors look at the city...am yet to understand the city from the localites perspective...that would take some time, i gather..

the city is cosmo...its filled with all the big malls that defines 'cosmo'...other definitions include skimpy clad women, accented english, regional language slangs, families ( atleast in india, any cosmo city is filled with families who want to explore what they missed out in their generation)..and also a sense of being lost in this world...i see it in their eyes...when 2 people talk, they talk of becoming big/famous in a big/famous city, often leaving out whats right in front of their eyes...

the city is culturally active, which makes it a whole lot easier for me..i hear there is a 'calcutta heritage walk' organised by an organisation- am looking forward to it...

Living alone is quite an experience for me...while in trivandrum, i had a lot of friends/relatives around me all the time...i never felt like i was in a new city...but, coming here...i got company accomodation for the initial months, which means i get a room all to myself..new people..new responsibilities at work..new city...new life...i have been introduced around by my friends/contacts who have lived here before, but all of them have a life of their own, and so do i!!
I always wanted to start afresh...start anew..I realised I cant do that! what I can do is carry on and not make the same mistakes again, learn and understand...explore and live!!

What I can do, I have done... I have moved beyond mere existance...i live!!! i am alive...!!!

MalayalaM

2005-04-18T08:00:00.000+05:30

Trivandrum is special for my dad and me...my dad started his career here,he came here when he had to start afresh,he came here coz he had a good opportunity, he came here to make his dreams come true.. so have i!

Kerala is known for its greenery, various art forms,strikes,religion - christianity,amritanandamai(to describe her in a politically correct manner, she is like sai baba but with more power), the people are 'honest', its filled with 'firangs' (a slang for foreigners in hindi)..(atleast thats all i knew about this place)..

Trivandrum to me, is like the palindrome 'malayalam'(one could even apply the theory to kerala) it is the same whether you read it from back or front...you see one picture / one perception / one word / one meaning that is common to all..i might be generalising here, but, thats what i have seen of the people and the 'city'..

Now that i am here, trees - palm or coconut are all i see whether its from office or my house or my cousin's or any building for that matter...coconut makes a large chunk of the exports.. one would typically expect coconut and coconut water to be at its cheapest, but, it is one of the costliest commodities here...

Communist this city definitely is...i see red flags everyday..in fact, those employed at the all too famous hotel pankaj have been on a strike for a year now (the hotel still serves people but the waiters are dressed in black)..

The art forms are brilliant, each one outdoing the other.Nishagandhi, an annual fest just concluded, and i had the chance to see kalaripayattu, panchagatam, and i dont remember some others (one was young girls dancing with oil lamps balanced on their heads, one where the girls tie themselves to a rope which is tied to a tree and knot themselves then go on to unknot themseleves)apart from bharathnatyam and listening to some good carnatic music..A rock concert was organised (which was technically a part of the festival but it happened after the festival was over- the organisers wanted to be politically correct i presume).I suggest you let your imagination run wild coz what i have to say about the concert will pop your ideas like it did to my mood..the concert was by a group called 'red rain' in association with a local band called 'live jam'..and they were a GOSPEL band!!! Explains it all eh? It sure has to me...

Honesty - some are, some are not..its like any other city you would think, but NO...the auto guys swindle you, the vegetable guy swindle, the sales guys at the clothing store swindle, the restaurant guys swindle you...(guys refers to both genders)..the 'firangs' are plenty in number and i dont blame them if they go back and write a book which criticises Indians of being dishonest..i wouldnt agree with them if they chose to see just one city and generalise to a whole country is crazy, but on the other hand, they swindle me - a local, then you can imagine the extent to which a white skinned can be swindled ( some at office tell me for eg - while i pay 60 rs for auto from location 1 to 2, which in itself is too much, the white skinned would pay 150!!!..and the meter shows 40...and THERE IS JUST NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!! unless of course you take the bus!or get your own vehicle and then the guy at the bunk will swindle you!)

I am reminded of an old hindi song - 'zara hatke zara bachke, yeh hain mumbai meri jaan'...i would say, 'zara hatke, zara bachke, yeh hain trivandrum meri jaan'..

All said and done, Trivandrum is special...it is teaching me a LOT..i shall survive!!

Prof.Phadke

2005-03-12T20:04:00.000+05:30

Prof. Phadke has helped me liberate myself..we just had a 2 day workshop at office on 'self-development'..Prof. Phadke(with a typical marathi accent, as my friend states) is a thin, short senior citizen.. It was when he started talking that we realised all his energy and authority is in his voice.. he dint have a great voice, but, his delivery skills were filled with stress patterns, intonation, loads of humor and more than 30 years experience that you just listen to him, no 2 ways about it..

He shared with us a concept in psychology, but more than that, he reinforced my thoughts about life, society and the rest of human kind..which simply is, 'i think and therefore i am'...or in his own words, 'i am a ship with a rudder'...I AM MY OWN BOSS!!! Not that i doubted these earlier, but, it just sets you free from all the guilt on your shoulders when it comes from him!!

The session was about reinforcing rational thoughts when clouded with conflicts with irrational thoughts through emotions & behavior by questioning them..i am an adolescent again when i remember the ways in which i questioned everything that was done..is there a sound & logical reason behind what i do/say/hear/feel? why cant i just enjoy the day instead of worrying about my present actions which might upset my tomorrow? i dont want to follow the same 'natural cycles ' in life, i want to be different / unique...

As far as i can see it, my generation is one helluva confused lot..we have 'modern' thoughts in a 'conservative' society...we make choices in life many a time that may not always be appreciated. Although i am content with my choice, my enviornment based on 'experience' decides a different fate altogether, and i have succumbed to many thus far...Prof. Phadke has liberated me today..